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World Turned Upside Down

My Divorce Story – By Damien D:

I have been with my partner for 4 years, married for 11 months. 3 weeks ago she told me that she is seeing somebody else. She says something changed over the last few months. She says she still loves me but is not in love with me.We have a beautiful son who is 16 months old. I can’t believe what has happened to my family so quickly. You can’t force somebody to want to be with you, but surely she should have tried at least.

My dreams have been shattered and I can’t do a thing about it. What the hell am I going to do? I know I must move on but I feel like I am in a deep hole and can’t get out. I am going to have to see my wife, who I can’t help being in love with, enjoying a new life with a new man. Sorry to sound so pathetic, but I can’t help myself at the moment. How do I stop the pain I am feeling.

I saw her being dropped of at our house by the new man in flash sports car. I could have been physically sick, and couldn’t stop shaking. I thought I had improved a little but this has made me realize what a bloody mess I’m in. I just don’t know what to do to move on and lessen the agony I’m in? I suppose time is the only thing that will help but at the moment I can’t see a way out.

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5 thoughts on “World Turned Upside Down”

  1. Hi Damien know exactly how you are feeling, when my wife told me she did not love me anymore I just wanted to curl up and die. I actually felt as though my heart was breaking, real physical pain! We had been together for 21 years, married for 18 and I thought I would be with her when I was old and grey. This little message will not help u with the pain u are feeling at the moment but I hope it helps a bit to know that u are not alone in how u are feeling. Keep your chin up lad and cry and scream if u need to …. don’t keep the pain inside let it out!!

  2. All of us here understand the pain you are going through even though each of us have different situations. Knowing you are not alone helps, even if just a little to start with. Take each day at a time and try not to look too far ahead. Focus on your child, and find friends who will listen. Just getting it off your chest helps. We are here for you when you need to offload or feel really down. Take care and look after YOURSELF!

  3. Must have been absolutely shattering for you, can understand how you felt. My wife has just returned from a week with her new Irish guy, acting all normal, while I am a nervous wreck.

  4. Damien, remember what you are feeling is entirely normal and understandable in your situation. It doesn’t matter how long you have loved someone or been married to them, the pain you feel is the same. It is about betrayal and the fact that those vows you made have been broken. I think sometimes a marriage – for men and women alike – becomes “stale” and for some people rather than addressing that problem and working to overcome it, turn to someone else to recover the thrill and excitement of a new relationship. That isn’t your fault, or to say that the marriage being stale is your fault, it’s just what happens in a day to day relationship. It’s just that some people turn away rather than face the fact that marriage is like that. You, me and others on Phoenix Men are the victims of those people!! Keep strong, take care and keep in touch.

  5. Damien listen to what everyone is saying. I am new to this separation lark but in the short time i have been visiting phoenix men i have gained new insight and its a help to know that you are not in the same boat and there is someone to shout at and get things of your chest.

    I have been married for ten years and my wife walked out 11 weeks ago to be with a 22 year old man she met on FB.

    Like you the pain is unbearable as i love her more than anything in the world and would do anything to get her back. Although i still feel like this i have been able to get on with life, I am back at work ( stone and a half lighter) and managing to keep a roof over my head but it is so hard when i hear his name mentioned by her.

    My world has fallen apart but i know in time it will get easier. I don’t know if i will ever get over it but it will be better. That is something that i have learnt from these guys, It does get easier and hopefully we will look back and say it is for the best ( although we do not think it now) and we are much better without them. They are the ones that are doing wrong not us we deserve better. take care Johnny


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