My story- By Williams:
My wife and I were married for two years before we got divorced early last year. Claire used to be all loving and high-spirited back then. She was always available both emotionally and physically, so it was instinctive we got married 5 months after we met. We felt we knew all we needed to know about one other because those five months felt like years. Then things started changing shortly after our wedding, she became distant and most times it felt like we were strangers. She suggested she wanted a different bedroom where she could sleep alone and I felt sad and bothered when she brought up the suggestion. I declined at first but I couldn’t hold her back for long since her mind was already made up and I knew for a fact that things would become different if we stopped sharing a room. Yet she had her way since we were always fighting about it.
After some time, she started going out more, made new friends which I was not in support of and was always partying. When all this started happening I acted as though I didn’t notice the change because she was still there to help me out. There were times we would sit and just talk about random things and we would laugh. This made me happy that a part of the lady I married was still with this new woman. My friends started noticing this change and were always asking if things were fine at home and I always told them yes because I thought I shouldn’t discuss my marriage with my friends. Then one day she walked up to me and asked for a break. She told me she wanted to find herself and that things were not working out. I begged her for some time for us to work things out and she agreed. But sensing divorce as the expected end, I became depressed and started drinking knowing fully well that I was light headed to alcohol but that was the only way I could feel better, so most times I got drunk.
It was as though my reality was a dream and I didn’t know my drinking habit was pushing her out of my life more. I always found an excuse to start going home late after work because there was no point going home to an unhappy wife that already asked for a break. And whenever I went home I always found a tiny excuse to fight. I became overprotective and suspicious, always thinking that she was cheating on me. So I started snooping around, checking her messages because some part of me didn’t buy her reason for the break and I was always expecting to discover something that would just make me feel better but I never found what I was looking for which made me feel worse. So I started loving her more and really wanted her to stay. I worked on myself, tried quitting alcohol, but it was too late to start putting pieces together. We finally got divorced and I have not been the same after the divorce.
I keep blaming myself for not putting much effort into our marriage and after our divorce I started thinking of where I went wrong and I realized that I became so comfortable with where we were and I literally stopped caring for her the way I used to do and I was deficient in showing her how much I loved her that I forgot how much of a good woman she was to me. She always had my back and was always there for me. Even though we had our ups and down, she was caring and loving.
Now, we contact each other once in a while, she is doing pretty fine and I feel stagnant, I have gone back to her, asking her back into my life and promising I would change but she doesn’t want me back and it’s so sad watching her grow past our separation, and more painful that I’m not a part of her growth. I need your support to get through this as it has not been easy for me. My days feels like months and in my lonely time when I think about it, I feel I could have done better to keep her by my side.
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