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Wife No Longer Loves Me Does Not Find Me Physically Attractive Anymore

Hello, last week my wife walked out on our almost 4 year marriage as she says she has fallen out of love with me she has taken our 2 children with her to her mothers. The thing that i find so unfair is that my wife before discussing the problems fully with me decided that counseling would not work, she has changed my life, her life and most importantly our children’s lives for the rest of our lives just because she did not want to try counseling.

I am not saying that it would have caused reconciliation but the question will always be there, and i did not feel it was her choice to make, it was ours. She has decided vocally anyway that she does not want maintenance but is talking about me setting up a trust fund for the kids with maybe one hundred pounds per child a month in it for their future, whether it be college, car etc. Most importantly is access to the kids, my wife wants to move closer to her mothers and i want to stay here because of work and fact i have to have something stable in my life right now not a problem once i get a car (she took that too) distance wise, but when school comes into the equation i will only be able to see them at weekends.

She is already looking for a job near her family and is obviously planning her life out so if i turn round and say that she should stay in this area i know things could get very nasty my children are with me this weekend in our house (first time i have seen them in a week) and already i feel like they are visitors, it is late Friday night as i write this and already my stomach is churning thinking about when she takes them away from me on Sunday it does not help that i am still in the house (which we are going to sell) as the memories are deep i am trying to get over my wife leaving (she said it is nothing i have done, but i wish it was as least i could justify it then) but to her it so cut and dried, getting used to living alone again is weird as i have lived with her for twelve years i am kinda getting sick of hearing my own voice as i depress my friends and drain them emotionally i know everything is still very raw, but my wife is so cold, level headed and clear about everything she said it is because she did her grieving 2 months ago (at the time she told me her depression was due to hormones and i kept telling her to see her GP but she said it was not depression).

Three weeks before she left she told me it was us that was making her unhappy she did not love me and did not find me physically attractive and did not think she ever would again we worked out ways to at least get to know each other again as the kids left us no time for each other but she has since said she had already made her decision she has said she will go to counseling to help me get over it. My life is in tatters just because she was not honest with me, different things keep popping in my head like, i will not be there for my kids as they grow up, i will not have anything to do with their schooling, Christmas apart, birthdays just a million things i know this sounds silly but when they arrived they had new haircuts and clothes that my wife had picked and i felt like they were being dropped off to the weekend babysitter anyway sorry to ramble on but i am just after any support or advice thanks for listening Chris

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5 thoughts on “Wife No Longer Loves Me Does Not Find Me Physically Attractive Anymore”

  1. Chris, you are in the right place. We are all going through the same thing, all be it in varying degrees, but we all have a common thread in that we have all been betrayed by the person we loved. My wife left 7 months ago after 16 years (10 married, 3 children), together with practically the same words as your wife. She didn’t love me anymore, and it wasn’t my fault. It’s the usual garbage. She then spent the next 5 months verbally abusing me at any opportunity and “blaming” me for the split. It sounds like you worship your children, so it’s up to you to ensure that she doesn’t get away with doing what she is planning. Go and seek legal advice about it. Remember they are your children just as much as they are hers, they need their dad around and will do for many years to come.

    We are all here for you, things are very raw for you at the moment, you’ll find that there are a lot of us going through what you are, all be it at different stages but that’s what is so great about being in the company of people who “really know” what you are going through. We all laugh and cry together and it really helps.

    Take care of yourself and try not to worry too much about your kids, it’s early days yet and there is help out there to ensure that the fears you have about them will never come to fruition. If she is at all a decent person, she will understand the need for them to have their dad. I think so many terrible things about my ex, and could do and say some terrible things, but at the end of the day, she is the mother of my children and would never do anything to hurt them or jeopordise the relationship they have with their dad, even if it is only 48 hrs a fortnight. Hopefully she has enough morals in her to understand that. She’s supposed to be the adult in all this, and she should think about the children first. They are far too young to make any kind of decisions, so both her and you have to make decisions now that will affect them for the rest of their lives. Stay Strong 😉

  2. My wife also left me 4 weeks ago and like you it was a real shock. The thing is they always think about it before hand and so get used to the idea, mine had been thinking about it “for months” and I had no idea whatsoever, that really hurts too I know. I also thought that splitting up, whether you do it and how you do it should be a joint decision but the sad fact is most separations are not jointly agrees, one leaves the other. You me and everyone else here are the people that have been trampled all over because of our loved ones. I did get my other half to go to counselling but to be honest with you it was hopeless anyway – even to a counsellor it was like trying to get blood out of a stone. She sat there like she was defending “her case”, your wife probably wouldn’t be there to find a way forward because that’s not what they want, at the moment at least.

    The counsellor couldn’t find a chink in her armour as she put it, so she did this wonderful thing of turning the conversation to me. At first all I could do was rack my brains as to why she’d done this, what could I do to change the way she was thinking and that’s it, I just can’t. So instead she made me start thinking about me for once. So I’m starting to take time to think about what I do with my life now, all still in tatters, but at least that bit I have control over. Your kids need you and love you, don’t worry about superficial things, love will never change, in fact they probably need you more now than ever. It’s all so painful for so long, its not just the first few weeks it takes ages so don’t expect to feel better for some time yet (or that will be another pressure – “why don’t I feel better yet?”) but we will all get there and reading that everyone else has the same worries has made me realise that at least I’m not going mad alone 🙂

  3. I’m the same as you. My wife left me 12 weeks ago with the saying I don’t love you no more crap ( she is now saying you know i will always love you) Mine left to be with some one else. The feeling of rejection is terrible. Like you the decision was taken out of my hands and it was such a shock as i did not realise that is how she felt. But these messages and the people who do them is such a great support to me and i feel i have come along way in such a small time. Your children are the most important and your wife should realise that, But go and get advise. Good luck mate.

  4. We all feel for you, and what the guys say is right, just remember you love your kids and are trying your best for them. At least you know its not your fault and when the kids grow up they will know there dad never left them. Like you i think of the things my kids are gonna miss out on. I will never understand how she can live with guilt, i certainly couldn’t. Look to the future and remember your doing your best and not giving up on them and that’s important.

  5. Hi you have got to hang in there and don’t let it get you down, those kids need you. Perhaps counselling will help, perhaps talking to a stranger or someone who is connected to the family. But hang in there, you will have bad days, and you will get good days. All I can say is the bad days will eventually get fewer, I know its hard now, and feels like you’re going round in circles, but it will get easier. Take Care


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