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Wife Looses Weight Then Leaves Me!

I have been with my wife since i was 15 and she was 16, i am know 35 years old and three weeks ago she told me that she has changed and doesn’t love me any more. My world fell apart, we have a 14 year old daughter who at the moment is spending equal time with both of us, so i am holding myself together for her.Our marriage was always a good one we had the same interests, reading, quiet nights in and country walks.

I always regarded her as my best friend as well. I asked her up the other day to talk not to ask her back but to ask her why the fact that she left me was destroying enough but not to know why she is ripping me apart. I have asked her if there is anyone else but she swears on our daughters life that there is not and as she have always been a good mother and wife i can only take her at her word.

When she sat me down and looked me in the eyes and told me that she did not love me anymore she was so calm and i was breaking my heart but she did not even break eye contact. The hardest thing to take is the fact that she does not seem interested in talking about it , i have asked her to come to a counselor but she says there is nothing left to talk about , nothing to talk about ,we have been together for 20 years i asked her to try and remember any bad times in the past 4 or 5 years but she cant.

I just cannot see any future i don’t know what i would do if i did not have my daughter to think of. I have had a lot of bereavement in my my family in the past four years including my mother , my brother and i know this has all taken its toll on me my wife and my daughter in particularly.

My wife was my life raft in this time and i cannot fault her for her support and understanding i did think that this fetched us closer as a family but maybe it didn’t. It has only been three weeks since she has gone and she is already talking about selling the family home and fiances, which if i am honest i cannot get my head around yet. In the 17 years that we have been married she has always taken care of all the fiances , i asked her in the past to let me take over some to be more financially aware but she always took that as a first step to leaving her, but i would never have left her. She is throwing all these figures at me and i am finding it hard to understand them the world of fiance is very complicated when you first look at it.

What is hard to take as well is all the time all we talked was making plans for the future we have been paying extra off the mortgage for years to try and get rid of it before we are forty so we will have extra money to enjoy our time together, we only have four years left to pay on it and if things don’t improve i am looking at have in to start again with a 25 year mortgage. it is soul destroying. She says that the main faults are me, her parents arguing all the time and pressures of work, but she has moved in with her parents and won’t give up work but has left me. She says that i have chipped away at her about her weight, when we were first married she was 10 stone up until six months ago she was 17 stone and yes i have been asking her to get fitter and to lose weight for years she also has asthma. I just wanted her to put investment in our future not only money but health as well what is the point in putting pensions away if you are too ill to enjoy it.

Anyway she has dropped five stone in the last six months and then left me. If she did ask to come back then i would at this stage take her back as long as she agreed to go to a councilor. But i am getting more angry every day that she cannot give me a reason or she is not prepared to try and sort it out.

Anyway if you have read this then i thank you for sitting though my ranting and bad spelling and i would welcome any comments good or bad. I still love my wife and wish i could find the button to push to take that love away. At the moment i cant even think of the prospect of entering the dating game again. Mason

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1 thought on “Wife Looses Weight Then Leaves Me!

  1. I found this very difficult to read, my wife’s sudden departure 2 1/2 months ago (after 20 years) was without warning and the only explanation I have had is that there is something more to life than her marriage to me and that somehow I was unwanted baggage all of a sudden. Since then her attitude against me seems to be hardening – there have been no further explanations – but some of her comments about our marriage seem to imply to me that an amount of re-writing of its history is going on.

    The pain and the pain and the pain have not gone with time – I am still on a roller coaster of emotion but what I would say is that I have got used to being on the roller coaster – I know that there are ups and downs and I seem to be able to resign myself to the downs but not dwell on them / pick at them too much – they seem to pass more quickly as a result. It feels terrible but I am adjusting to being on my own for significant periods of time – something I have never had any experience of before in my life. There is an emptiness and a meaningless to it with no foreseeable end in sight but I have got used to the feeling. That isn’t to say that friends and family have not been supportive, they have, and I am going out / doing things I would not usually have done while still with my wife but they can’t be around all the time. I think what I am rambling towards is “hang on in there”.

    One piece of advice that I dredged up from my past goes as follows – we are as people apparently prepared to spend an inordinate amount of time mulling over mistakes / bad things that happen in a day / life etc. Good things happen and we just accept and move on. Good things are still happening to us (honest!!) and the advice was try to make it a habit to think back / relive the good things /successes which have happened each day. I hope this makes sense / helps.

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