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Wife Looses Weight Then Leaves Me!

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Thank you, Phoenix Men for allowing me to get my troubles of my chest, My name is Mason and this is my story so far. My wife and I were childhood sweethearts, you could say, having met and been going steady since our early teen years.

I am now 35 years old and three weeks ago my wife told me that she has changed and doesn’t love me any more, she has since moved out of our family home. My world has totally fallen apart, we have a 14-year-old daughter who at the moment is spending equal time between us both, I am managing to hold myself together for her sake. My marriage was always a good one or so I thought, we had the same interests, reading, quiet nights in and country walks among many other interests we shared together.

I always regarded her as my soul mate and best friend. I called her up the other day to talk, not to ask her back but to ask her why she left me? I told her she was destroying me and the fact of not knowing why she no longer wants us to be together was tearing me apart.

I have asked her if there is someone else in her life? But she swears there is not, because she has always been a good mother and wife I can only take her at her word.

When she sat me down and looked me in the eyes and told me that she did not love me any more she was so calm and cold, it was breaking my heart, but she did not even break eye contact. The hardest thing to take is the fact that she does not seem interested in talking about it. I have pleaded with her to come and see a counsellor with me, but she says there is nothing left to talk about, I was stunned, how can she say there is nothing to talk about after us having been together for 20 years? I even pleaded with her to try and remember any bad times we have had in the past 4 or 5 years, and she can’t.

I just cannot see a future for myself and don’t know what I would do. Furthermore, I have had a lot of bereavements in my family during the past four years including my mother and brother and I know this has all taken its toll on us both and my daughter in particularly.

My wife was my life raft during this time and I cannot fault her for her support and understanding, I actually thought these dark times brought us closer as a family, but it obviously did not. It has only been three weeks since she left, and already she is talking about selling the family home and splitting our assets, which if I am honest I cannot get my head around just yet.

In the 17 years that we have been married she has always taken care of all the finances, I did ask her in the past many times to let me take over some of the burden to be more financially aware, but she always took that as a first step to me leaving her, which I would never have done. She is throwing all these financial figures at me, and I am finding it hard to take in and understand.

What is really hard to grasp is the fact we talked constantly about making plans for the future, we have even been paying extra money off the mortgage for years, so we can live mortgage free before we hit our forties, so we will have extra money to enjoy our time together, we only have four years left on our mortgage and if things don’t improve between us, I am looking at having to start all over again with a 25-year mortgage. It is utterly soul-destroying. She told me I am the main problem, she also said the pressures of work are also affecting her, she has moved in with her parents and won’t give up work or find a new job.

She said that I have chipped away at her about her being over weight, when we were first married she was one hundred and forty pounds, up until about six months ago she was around two hundred and thirty pounds and yes I have been asking her to think about getting healthier and to take up some exercise in order to lose some weight as she has really bad asthma as well as type two diabetes. I just wanted her to be healthier, so we could grow old together, as what is the point in building our savings up if she is not around or too ill to enjoy it.

She eventually took my advice onboard and decided to join a gym, she ended up loosing around eighty pounds in weight and made many new friends in the process, then out of the blue she up and left me. If she did ask to come back to me then I would at this stage take her back as long as she agreed to see a councillor with me. I can feel myself getting more frustrated and angrier each day that she refuses to give me a reason why she left me, and it kills me the fact she has no intentions to talk with me to try and sort things out between us.

If you have listened to my story I would welcome any comments good or bad. I still love my wife and wish I could find the button to push to take that love away. At the moment, I can’t even think of the prospect of starting my life over alone. Thank you, Mason


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1 thought on “Wife Looses Weight Then Leaves Me!”

  1. I found this very difficult to read, my wife’s sudden departure 2 1/2 months ago (after 20 years) was without warning and the only explanation I have had is that there is something more to life than her marriage to me and that somehow I was unwanted baggage all of a sudden. Since then her attitude against me seems to be hardening – there have been no further explanations – but some of her comments about our marriage seem to imply to me that an amount of re-writing of its history is going on.

    The pain and the pain and the pain have not gone with time – I am still on a roller coaster of emotion but what I would say is that I have got used to being on the roller coaster – I know that there are ups and downs and I seem to be able to resign myself to the downs but not dwell on them / pick at them too much – they seem to pass more quickly as a result. It feels terrible but I am adjusting to being on my own for significant periods of time – something I have never had any experience of before in my life. There is an emptiness and a meaningless to it with no foreseeable end in sight but I have got used to the feeling. That isn’t to say that friends and family have not been supportive, they have, and I am going out / doing things I would not usually have done while still with my wife but they can’t be around all the time. I think what I am rambling towards is “hang on in there”.

    One piece of advice that I dredged up from my past goes as follows – we are as people apparently prepared to spend an inordinate amount of time mulling over mistakes / bad things that happen in a day / life etc. Good things happen and we just accept and move on. Good things are still happening to us (honest!!) and the advice was try to make it a habit to think back / relive the good things /successes which have happened each day. I hope this makes sense / helps.


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