My Story – By Cole:
I have been divorced for some years now and I must say that the journey has not been an easy one for me. My ex wife and I had a lot of struggle few months after our wedding and I remember vividly well, our last date before we tied the knot, it was at our favourite cafe downtown where I resided back then and she loved their coffee so bad that I teased her about becoming a waiter at the cafe.
She is a very intelligent woman and that was one of her many attributes that attracted me to her. Then she started bringing up issues from her past; that she was not really in good relationship with her dad and that was the reason she always ignored my questions or tried to distract me with a joke, whenever I asked about her dad. But on that night, she decided to talk about her dad after our years of courtship. She told me her dad was an alcoholic and was abusive towards her mom and her. She also told me how he always cheated on her mom and how this made her grow up hating men till she got tired and met me.
Her idea of men was that which her dad made her see and growing up she made a lot of bad decisions which she wasn’t proud of. She had to fend for herself and her mum since her dad neglected to play his role as a father. Then her mom finally took the bold step of reporting him to the authorities and shortly after that they got divorced. She further went on to explain that the first time she decided to give love a chance and overlook her dad’s mistakes, she got played and she was taken for granted and since then she always preferred to be alone and came to a conclusion that relationships were not for her until I came along.
She concluded that she hated her dad and wouldn’t want him anywhere near her on our wedding day. Then I talked to her and made her see reasons as to why her dad should be present. That it was just a day that we should all bury our differences and enjoy. I told her that her dad deserved it for bringing her into this world at least. Although I wouldn’t consider myself spiritual but I believe in the verse from the holy book which tells us to honour our parents and logically speaking, no one is perfect. She agreed and the wedding took place with her then sober and repentant dad walking her down the aisle. I am an orphan and I grew up in the orphanage with other children and this was because after my parents died, none of my older siblings were responsible enough to adopt me, but that didn’t make me hate life.
I was still very young when my parents died so I couldn’t really remember what they were like to each other but after my wedding things started going haywire and I kept asking myself what I did wrong? But what I didn’t pay attention to was that we were two broken people, her for one had daddy issues, trust issues and dreaded relationships. I on the other hand grew up devoid of love and without much experience in the dating scene.
After our wedding, she became mean and she treated me in such a despicable way then we stopped having sex, I suggested therapy; that probably it was one of those things that couples faced but on one fateful day I came home to catch her kissing a guy on our sofa. I got angry and walked away then I asked her if it was more than a kiss then she admitted that she had been cheating on me with her friend and she would understand if I wanted a divorce that I was a good man to her and she wouldn’t want to cause me more pain. We got divorced 3 years into our marriage and I have always used work as an emotional escape and I cut all ties with her and moved to a different state but I have not being the same after the divorce and I find it hard to trust people because I think being a good man has more disadvantages than advantages because I was taken for granted for being a good man. Had I known, I would just have avoided the broken girl.
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