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Wife Broken After Abuse By Father

My Story – By Cole:

I have been divorced for some years now and I must say that the journey has not been an easy one for me. My ex wife and I had a lot of struggle few months after our wedding and I remember vividly well, our last date before we tied the knot, it was at our favourite cafe downtown where I resided back then and she loved their coffee so bad that I teased her about becoming a waiter at the cafe.

She is a very intelligent woman and that was one of her many attributes that attracted me to her. Then she started bringing up issues from her past; that she was not really in good relationship with her dad and that was the reason she always ignored my questions or tried to distract me with a joke, whenever I asked about her dad. But on that night, she decided to talk about her dad after our years of courtship. She told me her dad was an alcoholic and was abusive towards her mom and her. She also told me how he always cheated on her mom and how this made her grow up hating men till she got tired and met me.

Her idea of men was that which her dad made her see and growing up she made a lot of bad decisions which she wasn’t proud of. She had to fend for herself and her mum since her dad neglected to play his role as a father. Then her mom finally took the bold step of reporting him to the authorities and shortly after that they got divorced. She further went on to explain that the first time she decided to give love a chance and overlook her dad’s mistakes, she got played and she was taken for granted and since then she always preferred to be alone and came to a conclusion that relationships were not for her until I came along.

She concluded that she hated her dad and wouldn’t want him anywhere near her on our wedding day. Then I talked to her and made her see reasons as to why her dad should be present. That it was just a day that we should all bury our differences and enjoy. I told her that her dad deserved it for bringing her into this world at least. Although I wouldn’t consider myself spiritual but I believe in the verse from the holy book which tells us to honour our parents and logically speaking, no one is perfect. She agreed and the wedding took place with her then sober and repentant dad walking her down the aisle. I am an orphan and I grew up in the orphanage with other children and this was because after my parents died, none of my older siblings were responsible enough to adopt me, but that didn’t make me hate life.

I was still very young when my parents died so I couldn’t really remember what they were like to each other but after my wedding things started going haywire and I kept asking myself what I did wrong? But what I didn’t pay attention to was that we were two broken people, her for one had daddy issues, trust issues and dreaded relationships. I on the other hand grew up devoid of love and without much experience in the dating scene.

After our wedding, she became mean and she treated me in such a despicable way then we stopped having sex, I suggested therapy; that probably it was one of those things that couples faced but on one fateful day I came home to catch her kissing a guy on our sofa. I got angry and walked away then I asked her if it was more than a kiss then she admitted that she had been cheating on me with her friend and she would understand if I wanted a divorce that I was a good man to her and she wouldn’t want to cause me more pain. We got divorced 3 years into our marriage and I have always used work as an emotional escape and I cut all ties with her and moved to a different state but I have not being the same after the divorce and I find it hard to trust people because I think being a good man has more disadvantages than advantages because I was taken for granted for being a good man. Had I known, I would just have avoided the broken girl.

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3 thoughts on “Wife Broken After Abuse By Father”

  1. Hi Cole, I do understand what you are going through. I have been taken advantage of on so many occasions too because of my good nature. Yet I haven’t allowed that to stop me from being good. I really understand that you must have tried your best to ensure that you got a perfect home, but you couldn’t have done much if she was not willing to be helped. The fact that you caught her cheating goes to show that she still has a lot to deal with from her past and she just isn’t ready to make changes yet. Having a broken partner is bad enough, but having a broken partner coupled with the fact that you were devoid of love from a young age made it very difficult for it to have worked out between the two of you. I think that you two made the right choice in ending the relationship before things really got very bad. So I suggest that you should move on and give love a chance again. There are also a lot of good women out there too.

  2. Hey Cole, life comes with flair and life can be unfair. I must say, that you are a very strong man for the fact that you didn’t grow up with your parent and that didn’t contaminate your love for life and your zeal to love another human and still be kind to her when she started acting up. I believe everything in life happens for a reason and I just want to say that being a good man doesn’t hurt when you are with the right person. And if in life you have a choice to be good or the other way round, please choose being good. Yes, with the way the world is evolving now, and every human being with different principle and approach to life, it becomes hard to trust someone so completely. when you finally do trust someone and then your trust is being trampled upon and taken for granted, it feels like your life is coming to an end or you were such a fool for giving another human your total trust. Yet if we don’t get hurt, we wouldn’t learn the way the world runs and by that, how then would we become stronger. Just remain a good man and watch life happen for you.

  3. Hi. I try to imagine myself in your situation and I can deeply understand what you might be going through now. But do not let the mistake of one lady ruin the opportunities of many. I feel her daddy issues made her so preoccupied in her own world that she couldn’t see past it. But still I believe you should give love a chance so you as a person can get healed. I know it might be hard trusting another lady after what happened but still you just have to. And if all disconnections from her would make you heal better, then do just that. I know how been divorced might feel. The fact that you have to start all over again which might get tiring and exhausting is enough to give up. But the fact that she took your love for granted doesn’t mean others will and moreover what if this is a new sense of redirection for you, what if?. Just go out, meet new people, and make more friends. Enjoy every second of your life and stop bothering about the past because it has happened and we definitely cannot rewrite the past and most especially continue to be the good man that you are.


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