The flower that blossomed in the past has come to wither away. Life has played yet another cruel trick. In the end, you realize that nothing really lasts forever. The darkness has taken over and it seems the sun may never rise again; your world came crashing down. It is not the time for reminiscing and definitely not the time for harboring crazy thoughts like staging a comeback and salvaging your dead marriage. Forge ahead and accept what has happened, forget whose fault it was and realize that whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.
Divorce is tough but you are tougher, think you’re on the sinking ship alone? Well, don’t! You are not alone in this quandary, men may always portray having a heart of steel but divorce can be so powerful to leave a chink in the armor. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help, to stay afloat, we present you with a guidance chest to paddle you through the muddy waters of divorce.
1. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
Divorce can be difficult but this is no excuse for you not to maintain your healthy, attractive appearance. Apart from physical care, your mind and soul should be intact too. You may have been used to some certain pleasures such as your meals being cooked and laundry being taken care of by your partner; this is the time to take full charge of your life. Learn how to make meals, dining out is advisable seldom as this is not only expensive but also not totally healthy either. Fruits are very healthy and cheap, purchase them. If people take a glance at you and envisage a Robinson Crusoe reincarnation in your facial appearance, then you should step up and take better care of yourself. Shower daily, shave when due and wear cologne. Iron your clothes, look neat. Invariably look like nothing happened. Let your hurt be internal for the time being, don’t make NGOs assume you as a homeless person, if you were looking fit and healthy during your marriage, there’s absolutely no reason for you to stop the routine.
2. CONTROL ANGER
Often at times, divorced men tend to draw energy from anger towards their partner. You are human, it’s totally fine to be furious but it’s wrong to Hulk out on your partner or your innocent kids and friends. Don’t do something you’ll later regret, control your anger. Smashing objects or properties will only make your partner richer and drown you in financial ruin. Remember that there’s something called the law, and attorneys love nothing than a destructive and angry divorced man.
3. AVOID DRUGS AND ALCOHOL
Sometimes you may need to take the edge off; this is what has led many men to engage in destructive behaviors such as taking hard drugs and alcohol. You need to get sober at this juncture of your life, don’t drink or use drugs to feel numb and get through life’s hurts. There are different ways to elevate your mood and kill depression, you could watch movies, read novels, play video games, exercise, listen to music, go hiking, play sports or simply spend time with good friends. Drugs and alcohol are both deadly combos and should be avoided. If you have to drink, drink moderately.
4. EXPLORE AND EXERCISE MORE
Your physical health is very important. This is not the time for unhealthy eating habits that can lead to obesity. Exercise has immense body benefits, you get to look more appealing and fit, coupled with less risk to diseases such as stroke, hypertension etc. You don’t have to necessarily frequent a gym, there are numerous quality Apps on smartphones that can help you stay in shape. Apart from exercise, your mental health will only suffer more if you’re the indoor type that feeds on dejection by recalling the good and bad memories of your marriage. This can dangerously creep into your mind, feeding suicidal thoughts. With the numerous, mouth-watering opportunities awaiting you, do you still want to die prematurely? Divorce is not the end of life, it’s just a phase. The will to continue is all that matters. Travel to other states or countries, sight-see and you will testify that life is a joy to behold.
5. INTERNET CONTROL
Man X breaks up with lady Y, a few hours or some days later, shades, rants threw online via social networking platforms coupled with nude pictures, sounds familiar anyone? This is most popular pertaining celebrity relationships. But it’s no different from the lives of the ordinary folks. You must always have it at the back of your mind that whatever you post online is there forever, you can’t take it back, just like online leaked celeb sex tapes. Don’t act like a kid, be mature. If your partner makes any contact online that requires a reply, reply politely. This is also not the time to post pictures like you and some strippers just to get back at your partner, do not extend your anger to friends and families of your partner physically or online either, you’ll only worsen your situation. Be professional and mature.
6. MAKE TIME FOR PETS AND CHILDREN
If your marriage fruited children, that’s a great thing. Your legacy goes on, there’s a saying that “when two elephants fight, the grass suffers more”. In relation to divorce, this means that when separation occurs, the vulnerable children are the ones who suffer most, feeling hurt and betrayed in an amplified form. Older children may not be as hurt as younger ones but nevertheless, you must allocate time to not only explain current events to your children regarding divorce, you must also make time for them. Schedule fun time to take them out, spend one-on-one moments with them, mentor them and still be their hero. This is especially for those that lost custody battles. If you have a pet such as a dog or a cat, don’t ignore them. Feed them, bathe them and take your pet for walks. Pets can be regarded as excellent depression eradicators; they boost mental health with their infectious smiles and warm bodies. And if your pet is a dog, it’ll definitely be loyal to a fault; it won’t be right to take this for granted and maltreat your pet.
7. BE SEXUALLY RESPONSIBLE
Divorce is not a hall pass for irresponsibility. A one night stand with an acquaintance can result in pregnancy and STDs, thus it’s important to get protected at all times. If you’re too weak to refuse sexual advances, then have loads of protection and contraceptives ready. Don’t invest in vain and meaningless relationships all because you’re desperate for attention. The world is your canvass now; you have your freedom but philandering shouldn’t be your watch-word. Take full responsibility for every action.
8. BE FREE TO LET GO OF POSSESSIONS
You have to realize that as long as you have your soul and wits intact, things are just things. Some possessions were procured through years of hard work and disciplined saving plans and it’s unfair that your partner may want to take these things away from you. With the law system already favoring women, you have to take the punch and relinquish some of your most loved possessions. Painful but items can be replaced; you could even acquire upgraded versions of the lost possessions. Don’t think about the present, imagine the future. Imagine a better life and financial power that could be yours through hard work and persistence to succeed.
9. REASSESS ASSETS
When it comes to divorce, you must get a firm handle on your finances. Agreeable plan pertaining division or closure of joint accounts should be done. Forget about trust; escape the risk of having unauthorized access to your reserved bank accounts. You should notify your bank regarding automatic deposits and withdrawals. Also in order to remain financially healthy, apart from child support, tax issues should also be ironed out between you and your partner. You could decide to file taxes independently or jointly.
10. FINALIZE THE DIVORCE
Before you start making any major moves, you unequivocally must ensure that the divorce is final. You partner may be delaying the inevitable breakup for whatever reason but as a man, you must take charge and bring closure to the situation. It’ll be a big mess to begin new relationships while the divorce is still not finalized. There’s more to life than staying on a page of depression and bitterness, flip through and proceed to the next chapter. There are worse things than being divorced, as long as you’re still healthy and alive, you can live your life in abundance and to the fullest.
Please Submit Your Own Story…
Please consider sharing your story with others suffering now. How you coped? How you felt? What helped? What were the circumstances that led up to your separation? How do you cope with loneliness? The more you can share the better.
Your story really does help others who are going through the same gut wrenching pain. Your story reinforces the fact that they are not alone in their suffering.