“There is no such thing as a worthless conversation, provided you know what to listen for. And questions are the breath of life for a conversation.” – James Nathan Miller
Great conversation is a lost art for many men, and it’s really too bad because a man who’s a great conversationalist is a great success with women. Why? Because my dear men, as I’ve told readers before, women are aural creations – we’re turned on via our ears.
Now, there are certainly all kinds of men who believe they’re great conversationalists (so much, so you can barely get them to shut up), but the proof is in the pudding. If women look forward to your phone calls, emails and dates then you’re a great conversationalist. If women brighten up when you walk into the room, if you have the ability to strike up a conversation with a strange woman on the street (or in a bar, or in line at the grocery store) and she responds happily and feels she’s known you forever, and if you leave with her phone number if you asked (and she happened to be single) then you’re a great conversationalist.
If these things aren’t happening, you’re not. It’s a simple as that.
So where are you falling short? I believe there are three main categories:
Men who are too shy to speak unless the woman speaks first, or they’re formally introduced.
Men who’ve come to believe their success in life is the end all be all. Though they believe they’re looking for dates, they’re so disconnected from the here and now they’re really only looking for an audience.
Men who do fine in short conversations and flirtations, but who completely dominate a conversation with a woman they feel attracted to and end up boring the poor woman to death.
Not to worry, though, everyone above is savable if they’ll remember one very important rule – do unto others, as you’d have others do unto you. Yep, I’m getting biblical here with the “golden rule,” not because I want to throw religion at you, but because it is one of the most practical tools known to create better relationships.
Let’s break it down. If you’re not currently having success in talking with women, if you’re one of the above examples or any combination of the three, you can begin on the road to great conversations by simply getting out of your own head and ego and putting yourself in the place of the women you’d like to speak to. Don’t ever underestimate the power of this golden rule; it’s the beginning of your success with women.
Now let’s get specific with each of the above three examples of men who aren’t batting a thousand in the conversation department:
Men who are Too Shy to Speak First
If this is you, you have to realize you’re not the only shy person out there. Almost everyone on the planet is shy in some way or another. The amazingly beautiful and sexy actress Kim Basinger fights shyness constantly and was once so agoraphobic she didn’t leave her house for six months. Shyness can cripple your life if you let it – but one of the biggest steps you can take towards loosening its shackles is to understand that speaking to strangers is uncomfortable for just about everyone. There’s only one way to get over yourself and make things happen – go ahead and smile at that adorable babe, say “hi” to attractive women on the street. Start small and work your way up, always remembering that you’re not the only one who’s self-conscious and feeling awkward.
Men who feel Their Success is the Reason to Get to Know Them
Great self-confidence is one thing, bragging is another, and totally boring. I always find it amazing that so many men complain about women only being interested in men who are successful, and then they turn around, and their entire conversation is about the car they drive, their most recent holiday, how many houses they own etc.
Here’s another reason bragging doesn’t work – not everyone is in your shoes. Women still don’t earn as much as men and there are all kinds of gorgeous, interesting women out there who are just scraping by. If you lead in (on the Internet, or in person) about your success, you set yourself up for two negative situations:
If the woman is the type interested in men only for their money, she’s now seeing you as one big dollar sign.
If the woman isn’t in your league financially she may get very annoyed, turned off and bored by you going on about your good life and toys.
If you’ve got a really successful life going that you’ve worked hard for, congratulations – but recognize that success in the boardroom isn’t success with women. If women aren’t lining up to date you, or you only attract gold diggers, you need to look in the mirror and recognize that you’re turning good, honest women off by assuming they simply want to be an audience to hear about your success story. Treat women with interest and respect, the way you want to be treated. You’ll be amazed at how it works.
The Overeager Talker
It’s very tough not to talk to much when you meet someone you really like, who you’re really attracted too – but you’ve got to do it or risk having them running away screaming because you wouldn’t let them get a word in edgewise.
What men must always remember is that most women have been raised to be polite listeners, so that even if a woman seems to really be interested in your life story, if you’ve dominated the entire conversation she’s merely being polite and can’t wait for the evening to be over.
A good conversation is like a ping-pong match or tennis game, the conversation should go back and forth – if the ball stays on one side of the court there’s no game. When you find that you’ve been hoarding air time, stop yourself, laugh a little, and say something like “listen to me going on and on… when what I really want to know is more about you.”
Telling Your Story Isn’t an Accomplishment
Great conversationalists show that they’re truly interested in the person they’re talking to by listening well and asking intelligent questions – but they’re careful not to seem like an interviewer.
Remember, how you behave towards a woman speaks volumes without you saying a word.
Please Submit Your Own Story…
Please consider sharing your story with others suffering now. How you coped? How you felt? What helped? What were the circumstances that led up to your separation? How do you cope with loneliness? The more you can share the better.
Your story really does help others who are going through the same gut wrenching pain. Your story reinforces the fact that they are not alone in their suffering.