You play it over and over in your mind, you retell your hurts to any available listener, giving details of every squalid details you went through. Even when you speak calmly, the bitterness still makes an obvious undertone in the words that part from your lips. Yet you remain in self-denial that you got through the divorce unscathed. Bitter people give a free pass for rage to take over their lives, shaping their thoughts and actions such that they become left with two venomous options; getting buried in the bitterness and letting it eat away at them or scheming to inflict emotional and physical pain on their ex-spouse and innocent victims.
Whether you’re experiencing divorce vicariously through a relative’s life or you’re dealing with it at first hand, one thing is certain about divorce. It mothers a plethora of negative emotions that ruin lives when wallowed in. While going through bouts of depression, anger and resentment are usually associated with the grieving and healing process, one must avoid feelings of embitterment as they lay waste to the future years ahead.
Bitterness encroaches the heart and mind gradually. Gaining momentum and drawing energy from unresolved negative post-divorce emotions, it burrows deeply into the heart and mind. As it establishes vile roots, it festers like a cancer that poses harm to emotional, mental, and physical health. So it then becomes important to rise above bitterness as it leads to a perilous end.
Robs you of the future and kills you slowly
Unresolved anger after a divorce is toxic and like a poison it goes down your system, stripping you of life. And as the years go by with you holding on to the hurts of the past, you rob yourself of happiness. You find yourself thriving on self-pity, blaming yourself and others, and resenting your spouse. With bitterness, you lose autonomy since your experience becomes greatly influenced on your reaction to what your ex-spouse does. You get stuck in the past and find it difficult to make anything out of the future. Eventually, the hate you feel rots you to the core.
Emotional wellbeing and mental health goes hand in hand with physical health. When you wallow in sadness, depression and bitterness, you make yourself prone to life-threatening conditions such as cancer, hypertension, stroke, cardiovascular diseases and heart attack.
Effects on children
One thing you should always remember after divorce is that the kids are watching. Your actions and inaction’s go a long way in shaping their perception of life and how they’ll turn out. Anxiety, Constant stress, trouble with relationships, depression, proneness to violent and antisocial behaviour are the short term and long term effects of divorce. One thing is certain, the bitterness and enmity between you and your spouse will only make things worse.
Effects on relationships
You never gave yourself time to heal, never forgave yourself, and never let go of the bitterness you felt after the divorce, yet you want to build relationships that will work?! Bitterness will show up in all facets of your life, changing your perception of life and damaging relationships that have nothing to do with your past. Consciously and subconsciously, the negative emotions you harbour destroy the foundation of every relationship you try to build and connections you try to foster
Divorce will always leave you with the option of stewing in bitterness or thriving to be better by moving on and learning from past mistakes. Since bitterness will only leave you in pains, rob you of the future and ruin all that you worked hard to build, thriving to be better will always be the best way forward. And eventually when you forgive yourself and your spouse, learn from your mistakes and free yourself of the hateful feelings, a new and fulfilling life that’s a lavish mix of emotional wellbeing, good health and happiness is what lies in wait for you.
Please Submit Your Own Story…
Please consider sharing your story with others suffering now. How you coped? How you felt? What helped? What were the circumstances that led up to your separation? How do you cope with loneliness? The more you can share the better.
Your story really does help others who are going through the same gut wrenching pain. Your story reinforces the fact that they are not alone in their suffering.