My Loneliness Story – By Alex:
I’m just really depressed and I have been for months now. It’s just as if the whole world is against me. And this makes me wonder why do good people have it bad? Deep within myself I know that I’m a kind and compassionate man and it’s just so frustrating with the way life has dealt with me. Even in relationships I don’t find it easy and at times it makes me feel like I’m unlovable.
I’ve only been in two relationships and in both cases my ex girlfriends left me. The most recent one is that of my girlfriend of 2 years. She said she doesn’t love me anymore out of the blues and my soul within me is distressed. I thought it was one of those fights we had which we eventually talk out and make up. I thought it was all a joke till she started moving her things out of my apartment. I’m still quite shocked this is all happening. I mean I didn’t even see the signs. I thought we were madly in love. I’ve been a complete mess since she moved out and can barely concentrate on anything.
I didn’t know that the break up affected me that much until my boss started complaining about how I wasn’t concentrating at work and how that was affecting my productivity. I mean I know I don’t have a lot of friends to hang out with and she was my world for almost two years. I can’t seem to pick myself up. I just want to stay in one place and mope, hoping that things will turn back to how they used to be. You might think, oh I am lazy. I am not; I am just so tired of being so strong for long and not getting anything in return. I feel as if some people are not cut out for happiness because no matter how far I pursue it, it never last.
So most days I just lay on the couch with a bottle of cold beer, dwell on the past that gave me a little hope of happiness and never try to think of the present. You may think I’m delusional, well maybe I am, but I will rather dwell on those good memories than face this one. I am tired of being so strong every time and I am going to allow this weakness to be consolation. I just…I don’t know what I want anymore. I really just feel like I can’t talk to anyone; like no one understands me or would give a damn if I talked to them. Anyway…Sorry. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t even be posting this.
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