Phoenix Men is a fellowship that offers advice and support to heartbroken, lonely or ageing men.

Rising From The Ashes:

You’ve been back and forth so many times. You’ve desperately tried to tell yourself that you can still somehow rekindle a small ember of hope in something that you’ve convinced yourself was once good. But there comes a point when you know deep down in your heart that it’s over, it’s dead, the flame is extinguished. There is nothing left but cold ashes that have been raked over many, many times. It’s over.

You have to let it all go

How many times have we heard or read stories about bitter couples battling it out in legal offices and courtrooms around the world? Who gets the dog, the stereo, the car, or whatever? The only real winners are the shyster legal representatives who will bleed you dry. Like it or not, the system is rigged against you from the start as the system on the whole favours the woman. So just give her what she is entitled to without argument and walk away. Bitterness knows no end. It will eat you up if you let it. At the end of the day it’s just material stuff and not that important; so let it all go.

Did you get children from the relationship?

If yes, then wasn’t it all worth it? In hindsight, my divorce, as painful as it may have been at the time, was a small price to pay for the great children I got from my marriage.

As I said earlier, you cannot control the actions of other people, and neither can you come up with explanations for their behaviour. Just accept that everyone is different and learn from the experiences and situations that led to this point in your life.

Time to start living

Be totally honest with yourself at this moment. You have what, twenty or twenty-five GOOD years left? I am not talking old age years here, I am talking about good years when you’re able-bodied and still relatively healthy.

You spent your best years looking after others. You have to start thinking about yourself now. You need to get a little selfish and put yourself first for a change.

Points to remember moving forward

  • Give her what she is entitled to. Do not get petty – it’s just stuff and is not that important. Her legal team are relying on you getting worked up so they can drag the case on and on and bleed you dry. Simply let it go and I promise that you will come out on top in the end.
  • You have a limited amount of quality time left so use it and live your life to the max. It’s time to get selfish and put yourself first for a change.
  • If you fathered children with your ex then surely the pain of your divorce, or the circumstances surrounding it were a small price to pay for the joy of fatherhood (providing the kids have NOT also turned against you. Sadly, that’s more common than you would ever like to think).
  • For women there are usually endless offers of support from friends, family members and dedicated organisations. It is a well-known fact that the majority of men are loners compared to women. Men tend to hide away when going through the immense emotional and psychological trauma of divorce. So, don’t be hard on yourself – thousands are doing exactly what you’re doing now and doing it ALONE.
  • fickle – ˈfɪk(ə)l/adjective: changing frequently, especially in regard to one’s loyalties or affections. The majority of women are fickle! If you lose your job or business, get depressed, or have health problems, then the majority of women will be looking elsewhere before you know it. Not all women will kick you when you’re down. The good ones will support you and stand by you in your time of need (for better or for worse). Ask yourself this: Do you really want to be with a woman who jumps ship the minute you’re down on your luck?


No matter how hard working and productive a man may be, for a lot of women in this day and age this is not enough. It’s a modern phenomenon with a lot of Western women. Through the media they have become emancipated, but for all the wrong reasons. They have been brainwashed into thinking they do not need men. These women will try to dominate and manipulate as they cast aside convention. Woe betide whoever, or whatever, interferes with their wrongly perceived ideas. It is not that the man is inadequate in any way, but that modern trends and laws have pushed a lot of Westernised women into becoming what they have become.

Stay Strong, Thornton 😉