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Rebuilding self esteem after divorce

Submitted By Benjamin Yates:

Are you a failure?

Self recrimination and a feeling of failure are common after a relationship breakdown. But you must not blame yourself for everything that has happened and you must understand that you still have a real contribution to make to the world.

Do not let yourself slip into the trap of becoming a victim to your situation. Aim to grow through this experience,

Be realistic and base your self assessments on reality and not on an idealised view of where you would like to be

Dealing with fears

Slowly face up to your fears – one step at a time

One way of helping to improve your self esteem to take a sheet of paper and divide it into different sections, each representing part of your life – work, family, leisure etc. – and write yourself positive messages in each section. For example, you might put ‘I am a great Dad’ in the family section. Pin this up or stick it on your fridge door. When you feel low, read the appropriate section.

Self Esteem Your Questions Answered

How can I start to build up my self esteem?

One very simple and direct way is to get a pad of ‘Post it’ notes and write down positive things about you. For example, “I am a good father”, “I care about my family”, “I can make people laugh” – there are certainly many more. Then stick them around your house, car, loo, PC and other places where you are bound to keep seeing them. Slowly they will work there way into your subconscious and make you feel stronger. Keep adding new notes!

How can I start to believe that ‘I can..’ rather than ‘I can’t’?

By taking one step at a time and trying new things. Don’t expect too much of yourself and be prepared to accept the occasional set back.

Why do I feel that I am walking around with a label on my forehead reading ‘Sad and single’?

Because you feel bad about yourself. If you believe that you are sad and single then you will present yourself like this to the world at large. Okay, you are single but this is not sad, it can be exciting, free, challenging, strong, new and full of possibilities. It all depends on how you perceive yourself. Start thinking and acting positively and don’t allow negative thoughts to become a habit.

I feel a failure because life was not supposed to end up this way. Was it?

Maybe not but it does for 4 in everyday 10 adults ‘ are they all failures? The truth is that when changes occur in a relationship often the walls come tumbling down. One way to stop such stress on a relationship is never to grow or change ‘ not a very healthy way, is it?. A new part of life has started for you, focus on doing your very best for yourself and those around you, each and every day.

Next Steps

  • Write down positive messages for each part of your life.
  • Stick them up where you can see them and read them when feeling low.
  • Enlist the help of a friend if you are having difficulty compiling the list.
  • Do not take all the blame for the break-up.
  • Do one new thing each day and treat yourself.
  • Be your own biggest fan not biggest critic.

Need to Knows

  • it is normal to suffer low self esteem after a break-up
  • the break-up can’t be all your fault
  • you have many positive qualities
  • it’s important to remind yourself of these qualities
  • it’s important to treat yourself.

Please consider helping by leaving a comment at the bottom of this page…

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