My Story – By Andrew:
I used to think love, companionship, great sex and a litany of other things the love gurus talked about was all that was needed to make a marriage work. When my wife and I were courting we had all types of discussions that couples had and one of the things we agreed on was childbearing and the number of children we were going to have. We were both excited about the prospect of having kids of our own. But life threw us a curve ball and our plans came to naught.
Seven years went by and we were still yet to have a child. I was so worried about not having our own kids, so I brought up the idea of adoption but she was not in support of it. Not that she had a thing against adoption but she preferred to birth her own kids.
After a lot of trials and following instructions of the gynecologist to the letter, she got pregnant and I was over the moon about it. For her, it was as if she had finally achieved what she was looking for. She was always busy trying to find ways to protect the baby. She even quit her job because the doctor advised her not to go through a lot of stress because of how delicate her condition was. All she did during that period was to stay healthy and prepare for the baby.
We held a baby shower with our friends in attendance and it was a memorable event. But two days after the event, in what would later become the saddest day of my life, I heard a scream from the kitchen. In my state of panic, I dashed to where my wife was and I saw blood running down her thighs. On seeing this, I kept thinking of scenarios that could squelch our fears but it was confirmed she had a miscarriage at the hospital. Things were never the same since then. She became depressed and no matter how I tried to cheer her up, it never worked out. The only thing she was interested in was sex. At first, I was not complaining about it but after a while, I discovered that she just wanted to have sex just to get pregnant. I felt used, sex became routine and mundane, it was difficult to muster any shred of excitement and pleasure during sex.
Every month she had her period, she plunged into an endless melancholy and I didn’t know how to bring her into the swim of things. I suggested visiting a shrink but she always claimed that she was fine. At times she sits in the baby’s room crying at night, clutching the baby clothes and blaming herself for the miscarriage. I got fed up and assumed if I removed all the baby stuff from the house, she would feel better or forget about it and move on. It was my biggest mistake because she became worse.
As the days passed by, her obsession with getting pregnant got stronger. She began to think she suffered from a condition that not only eluded our doctors, but also hobbled her from carrying a baby to term. She started feeling low about herself and would compare herself with other mothers who were with kids or pregnant. She would stare at the mirror at times rubbing her stomach with a sad look on her face. It broke my heart every time I saw her this way.
I felt like I had failed her as a husband and her sullen moods drove a wedge between us. I started getting attention from other people at work until a night I had a one-time affair with a co-worker. It was casual sex with her as she was having issues with her marriage too. We both concluded that what we did was wrong and we had to stop to have any hope of saving our marriages.
I couldn’t tell my wife what I did because I knew it was going to break her but I swore to myself that I would never cheat again. We tried to resolve things back to the way they were and she seemed to open up and be her cheerful self until her period triggered another downward spiral, only this time, she started hurting herself. She is in a hospital now and I hope that she gets better and comes back home. Every time I visited her at the hospital, she threw a fit at the sight of me. It took restraints and sedatives to subdue her. The doctors had to recommend I stopped seeing her altogether. I miss my once loving and beatific wife, I still pine for her love and touch, but I don’t know if I can wait any longer.
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