1. Cool Small Talk – Visual Cues: Be Alert To Them
Do you notice something pleasantly unusual about the person you wish to talk to? That’s your natural chat opener.
Or is there some area of similarity between the two of you? If you’re in, say, a supermarket, yet both of you are smartly dressed, that’s your visual cue.
So, after you’ve said Hi, follow up with a remark like, ‘Off to a gig somewhere?’ or ‘Buying drinks for the party?’ and so on.
2. Cool Small Talk – Verbal Cues: Pick Up On Them
If a remark about cheesecake crops up, that’s a good cue, unlikely as it seems. So don’t veer off in another direction – just stay with the fascinating subject of cheesecake. And it can be made fascinating, believe it or not.
In fact, anything can be made interesting if the reason for chatting is to get to know each other and create a connection. So just stay in tune.
3. Cool Small Talk – Body Language: Keep It Simple
Forget all you’ve heard about pacing and matching body postures or staring into someone’s eyes to look for dilated pupils and all that sort of stuff. They just make things too complicated at this stage, and they may even make you tense.
There’s only one body language sign that concerns you at this point. And that’s a genuine smile or two. And if you’re getting lots of smiles, you know you’re doing fine.
4. Cool Small Talk – New Subject: Link To It
Okay, say you’ve both exhausted the topic of cheesecake and it’s time to move on. But do that evenly – by making some closing remark about cheesecake and linking that to a new line of chat.
For instance, you can say, half-teasingly: ‘Anyway, you were absolutely right about that cheesecake. So do you ever get things wrong?’
Or you can revert to some earlier point: ‘By the way, I was struck by what you said about…’
That’s easy enough, right? Good, that’s the way. No need to feel you must jump in with a completely different subject.
5. Cool Small Talk – Humor: Create Laughter
You know how to make funny remarks when you’re with friends, don’t you? Well, that’s the way. But stay cool and spontaneous. No need to rack your brain to make a string of wisecracks. And you don’t have to be a born comedian either.
Just keep the chat light and easy and and play it by ear. The fact is, even a mildly funny remark can seem terribly amusing at such a time.
6. Cool Small Talk – Teasing: Just Do It
If you feel you can get away with a bit of teasing or kidding, then go right ahead. And if your teasing is taken in the right spirit, then you can even pile it on a bit more.
In fact, if you’re feeling really confident and getting all the right vibes, you can tease all you want and she or he will still love it.
7. Cool Small Talk – Compliments: Be Casual
Pay a compliment or two if you wish to. But do it casually or in tongue-in-cheek fashion. Giving a a funny-ironic twist to your admiring remarks will make them more interesting. They’re also likely to go down better than a straight or fulsome compliment.
And resist the urge to be too adoring. No one can really make cool small talk if they’re coming across like some love-struck wimp.
8. Cool Small Talk – Praises: Be Sparing
Sing a praise or two if you must. But keep it short and sweet. After all, you don’t want to sound as if you’re talking to some fantastic creature who’s out of your league.
Still, all is not lost if you’ve gone a bit overboard. Just regain some ground by making a couple of cool wisecracks. That may be enough to get you back on track .
9. Cool Small Talk – Flirting: Get The Sparks
If the person you’re teasing is responding with mock outrage but smiling or laughing, that’s great. It means you’re both already flirting – and loving it.
Flirting is really just teasing with an underlying current of sexual tension – what’s known as the sparks. And so it usually leads to some kind of physical contact as well – even if it only means you feel hands at your throat, pretending to throttle you.
10. Cool Small Talk – The Date: Just Let It Happen
The ‘date’ need not be anything elaborate or planned. It can be as simple as going on to have coffee somewhere, or even just a clear promise of seeing each other again.
At some point in the conversation, you will know if a date is more than likely. And that’s when you can lead up to it naturally. Guys, you can even continue to tease and suggest that she buys you dinner.
So stay cool. And happy dating!
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