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Life After Divorce For Men – Letting Go

Submitted By Benjamin Yates:

When it’s over

When you split up, you may find it very hard to let go of your ex-partner. This often happens when one partner is keener to end a relationship than the other.

If the relationship is really over, learning to let go is important. If you spend months hankering for what has been lost, you may find yourself frozen, unable to move forwards or backwards. Try listing all the positive things about your new situation. At first, you may find hardly anything to celebrate. Don’t worry. Concentrate on these and add to your list over time. Gradually you will find that you are more positive about the future as a ‘single again’ than you thought would ever be possible.

Live in today

Focus on the present, the past is gone and the future is unknown (80% of what we worry about never happens). Live in today – keep checking you are living in the here and now.

You will start to let go when you are ready. You may be hanging on to the past because of fears of what lies ahead. The temptation is to look back in rose coloured specs and forward to a bleak wasteland. Take a reality check, your past had its bad times and the future will be the usual mix of highs and lows.

Your Questions Answered

I finished the relationship, so why can’t I let go?

You may be afraid of the new world you are about to enter and are hanging on to the past like a life preserver. Take small steps to independence and you will find it easier than jumping into the void with no support.

How can I let go, if I’m worried about how my ex will be able to cope without me?

Your ex is an adult and must take responsibility for themselves now. Maybe you want to be wanted and are finding this hard to let go of. Allow yourself to believe they can cope and develop a new lifestyle for yourself.

Next Steps

Don’t keep contacting your ex. If this is hard, just avoid contact a day at a time until you can manage a week without calling or seeing them.

  • Try to stop thinking or worrying about your ex.
  • Keep yourself busy to prevent you thinking about your ex.
  • Make a list of all the positive things about being alone.
  • Add to the list – it will grow in time.

Need to Knows

  • You may find it hard to let go of your ex
  • It is important to learn to let go
  • If you don’t let go, you’ll be unable to move on
  • Think positively about your new situation
  • Gradually you will find more things to be positive about.
  • Take a regular reality check and Be Here now!

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