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Is She Cheating?

There is a saying, “When in doubt, there is no doubt”. This little piece of dime store philosophy applies to everything “instinctive”, most especially when it comes to relationships. I like to think that people are good by nature, but as humans our moods change which can change our emotions both spiritually and sexually with someone other than our significant other.

Let’s face it; the person you are with now is probably not the first person you have been with, thus like many, offering you “experience” to gauge current partners by. Many of us compare future partners to how well they stack up against an ex who was fabulous and treated us well. This standard is the opposite of what we feel when something feels wrong in our relationship.

Before we get started, I want to exclude the insecure, paranoid and what I call “repeat offenders”. If you are a person who has had at least 3 partners cheat on you, stop reading this, YOU are the problem. For everyone else who thinks “they are on to something”, keep reading.

Let us begin with covering the two types of guys out there. “Relationship Guy” is the guy in a committed relationship either married or not. “The Suitor” is the guy who is dating someone and they have not committed yet, and he wants to know before he does if she is sleeping with others as well.

Holding Pattern

Both guys need to look to the obvious first, taking a moment to reflect and decide how much her behavior has changed and if it did, when did this happen. Women are obvious about there emotions toward us and most wear them on their sleeve. Women lie too, but men are more seasoned cheaters as a generalization, making the women’s change more apparent. If she brought you lunch every Monday for two months and then got a new trainer at the gym on Monday that is a “red flag”.

For the married guy, you know her better than anyone, so if she suddenly took up skydiving and used to be afraid of heights, then she is growing elsewhere in life without you.

In the early stages of the Suitor’s and the later stages of the Relationship Guy’s tenure, you will see a change in her “pattern”. Women can’t help it; even a ruthless bitch of a woman will make some obvious mistake. They are nurturers by nature and can’t help feeling bad or trying to please too many people at once (not literally). If she is planning on leaving you, you would have to be blind not to see the change in that pattern.

“Our” Sex

In a relationship either committed or early on, there is a point when both parties can legitimately assume their partner is monogamous merely by the amount of time spent together, the heightened sexual compatibility and conversation to this effect. When this moment occurs, tangible or otherwise, the sex is now “our sex”, not his sex and not her sex, but our sex. When she wants it she comes to you, when you want it you come to her, it is an unspoken rule. When she starts turning you down for various reasons she better have a fatal illness or be on her period.

I always ask the question point blank, “How did you go from wanting to fuck my brains out daily to not needing any sex at all?” Watch her face when she answers, if you don’t recognize her behavior or if it looks like she’s making it up, she is. If things are your fault, watch out! She will tell you because no one wants to go without sex in a relationship. Frankly, sex is second only to companionship. So if the top two reasons people commit are sex and companionship and she took away the sex, you’re only one step away from being out of the relationship.

What Where Why

What you should do is ask her. If you really think your girl is cheating (seeing other people) then ask her point blank to her face and not over the phone. The best way, is to make her dinner (trust me), tell her you want to make her dinner, then while you’re eating and she is feeling comfortable communicating with you, ask her, and be nice about it. Don’t accuse, just say, “Honey, I am worthy of hearing the truth, are you seeing someone else”? Again, no one knows her behavior better than you, watch and evaluate her reaction.


Where do go next if you still don’t know if she is or is not sharing the pooty? I hate to say it but you have to see for yourself with your own two eyes. For the married guy, the only thing worse than your women giving out the milk for free is if she divorces you and takes all your milk too. If your married, protect your interests, follow her. That’s right, if you did the “what” and you are not satisfied, you don’t have many choices. For the Suitor, move on, that is where you should go. If you are just dating and you just don’t trust your girl, hit the bricks and find someone you feel comfortable with that is worthy of you.


Why ask her? You deserve to know. Why follow her? She deserves to get caught? Why ask why? Your instincts told you too. Humans are like no other animal. We are the only animals that experience; regret, remorse, guilt and sometimes jealousy. Why do the humans get these emotions? We taught them to each other through our instincts, so trust yours.

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