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I’m lonely and broken

I used to belong to a local band in Austin. Though we weren’t exactly popular across the state, we still had a good fan base (well the band did) and our gigs did pay our bills and more. For someone who lives the life of the party, you would think it would be all smiles for me but sadly it just isn’t. At first, it was thrilling as we gained grounds as a band, but after a while it all just became exhausting. After the shows, and the crowd noises had settled, it always felt like there wasn’t much to my existence when I’m not performing. Because, when I’m not behind the drum, my life is one sad and lonely one.

After my girlfriend dumped me for someone in a more stable profession, I realized that I had no real friends. My band members were a knitted group of friends before I joined them. They were missing a drummer and it’s more like they hired my services than me being part of the group. So I was like the new folk that was trying to blend in.. Even amidst fans, I felt alone because none of them knew me on a personal level. They were mostly a bunch of opportunists looking to gain from me.

When back to my apartment, I felt really sad and I console myself with alcohol and an antidepressants that makes me sleep. Over time, my emotions and the excessive alcohol intake started affecting my performance and commitment as I missed quite a number of rehearsals or wasn’t just performing well at the shows. Well, it wasn’t surprising that they replaced me, but I still feel bitter about it. It’s almost as if they didn’t care about what was happening in my life.

Now I’m in the unemployment line, feeding from hand to mouth and struggling to break even. To make things worse, the little savings I had, I squandered it on gambling. I just feel terrible and mad at myself. Was it wrong to give into my emotions? Thank you in advance Jimmy.

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3 thoughts on “I’m lonely and broken”

  1. Wow! Your story is a tough one. I wouldn’t even know how to start advising you. But one thing is certain. You’re not wrong for giving into your emotions. We all feel lonely or sad at certain points in our lives even when we have people around us. I guess it’s just part of being human. What ruined everything for you was that you had no one to share your problems and emotions with. It was a bad time your girlfriend left you. At least she could have provided some comfort. Nevertheless, try and make friends and surround yourself with people that care about you. They make life worth living.

  2. The deed is done and what matters now is picking yourself up. From your story, it’s safe to infer that you’re good at what you do. So start looking for more drummer openings. You just might find someone in need of your talent. And next time you want to choose a girlfriend, be certain to go for a lady comfortable with the lifestyle that surrounds your work. It saves you a lot of heartaches. And to answer your question, your feelings are valid. Life is full of highs and lows, and It’s completely natural to feel. What is more important is that you limit the influence of negative emotions in your life. Better days are near Jimmy. Just stay optimistic, learn from your mistakes and you’ll be fine.

  3. I don’t know if it’s just me or my opinion is really valid. Because lately, I just feel that no matter what one does, loneliness will always find a way to creep in and ruin everything. It’s almost as if loneliness is a congenital disease that we all can’t escape from as it always finds ways to manifest later in life. Yet, in the end, we all just have to manage our emotions and not let them get the better of us. For your own sake, I hope you’ve given up on excessive drinking and gambling as it will only ruin things further.


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