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I finally got to accept that it really was over.

My Divorce Story – By Jimmy:

After finding out about my wife’s affair six months ago and her leaving me two months ago and her buying and then moving into a new house, I finally got to accept that it really was over. I had always said that I wanted her back, but she had no interest. In the last couple of weeks I got to the stage where I was able to “close all the doors” so I could move on. I met up with her on Tuesday to make sure we agreed it was finished – no going back. I thought it was just a formality. When I said that was it – now or never – go or stay – she freaked out. She just cried and cried – what have I done? – I’ve thrown my life away – you mean so much to me – my mother is so upset – etc etc.

She had never faced up to the fact that our marriage was over – too much guilt I think. I couldn’t believe it. After two hours when she would not give a decision she eventually said that it was probably the biggest mistake of her life, but she would not come with me. She went back to her new home. It really shook me up though. I thought that at last I was finding my feet and then the ground starts moving around again.

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6 thoughts on “I finally got to accept that it really was over.

  1. How awful!! I actually think, not sure if all will agree, the very fact that she didnt return home with you, really does tell you that she has made her mind up. She had a good opportunity there and then to put things right, but still chose not to. Also you must think that even if she had decided to return home with you, would you always feel what if she came back just because she felt guilty, that is no basis, to rebuild a marriage. She in my opinion, did feel guilty, and probably does still feel a lot for you, because you have had a long time together, with some good times…but life is life, if a marriage is to be rebuilt, then the deep routed problems, that caused the break up in the first place need to be addressed together.

    Sorry its not what you want to hear. You must now, continue in your quest to build a new life, showing her that you do still care for her, (if you do) but make it perfectly clear that “going back” is not good for anyone!. I know in the future, its going to be very hard, but remember this, she had her chance, and tears are a good way of releasing emotion, and we all need to do it, but her feet did her talking, so take control and move forward, ok, do look back over your shoulder at the past, but forward is the only way we can all go. Good luck. We are here for you

  2. I agree with Andy you have to move forward. She had her chance and realized that the qualities she took for granted in you are worth a lot. Sounds like a classic case of the grass being greener on the other side. However she did vote with her feet on this occasion as well. I wonder if her behavior coincides with a problem with the other relationship she has had? Move on and enjoy life.

  3. Thanks. I’m sure you guys are right. When we talked about the possibility of getting back together, she did not accept that we would have to sort out our problems. That we would be starting again. She saw it as continuing from where we left off. I completely disagreed with her. That is the last thing I would want. I don’t think that she has thought about it deeply at all. Just blanked all thoughts from her mind. It was the first time that I truly realized that unless we both accepted that there would be a lot of work involved, I didn’t want us to get back together. It is better to accept that the is marriage dead than to keep a half alive marriage going. I couldn’t have said that a couple of months ago.

  4. Same also happened to me My ex came round one night, (we used to get on well), she sat down and said exactly the same thing as your ex, “what have I done, I have just woke up I belong with you,”. She stayed one night, woke up the next day, we talked it thru and she said ” I’m not staying its easier to go back” I felt like I’d been left again, all respect for her went out of the window from that point on. I felt betrayed all over again, and it did knock me back a few. But I bounced back and now I know I’m better off without someone like that. I hope things go well

  5. I think your wife wants it both ways, try a new life but have the security that if things don’t work out, you’ll be waiting for her. It is quite common in a relationship grown cold, as soon as one realizes the other is moving away their ego is hurt and shows interest again. I think after 2 months she should know what she wants and I think when she saw that you were ready to move on she understood she cannot have it both ways.That was the turning point and SHE chose the direction. So good for you if you are ready to close the doors.

  6. Jimmy we all seem to think the same, but of course it is your choice, the very fact that she wants to pick up from where you left off, shows that it cant be that way, because she wandered into the other “field” that field will ALWAYS be there, if shes done it once, then she can do it again when things don’t go her way. Something made her go to the other field, how do you know that very thing wont resurface again? you stick to your guns. As the saying says, “he who walks out of the door, must also be the one who walks back in, trouble is, sometimes the locks have changed”!!!!!!!

    Another thought, if you take her back, do you want to be here this time next year saying the same thing to us? ie. shes done it again!!!..

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