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I do not care if I live or die, I am so lonely

Hi I’m not sure how this works but I’ll try anyway. My partner and i were together 9 years, we have two lovable kids. Just under 3 months ago she left me after having a brief fling, though shes not seeing him anymore she says that after she done it that it showed her how bad things were between us. Its gone from bad to worse we fight all the time, she says she still loves me but he doesn’t seem to care how sad and desperate i feel, she doesn’t even seem interested in the kids anymore.

I feel I cant cope most of the time and feel stuck, i had little confidence anyway but now i have none. If it wasn’t for the kids i think there have been times when i feel i could honestly die! I just wish i knew how to move on and stop contacting her, because when i do she just makes me feel worse i cant understand how she can be so nasty to me after all shes put me through!! Ta Derek

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11 thoughts on “I do not care if I live or die, I am so lonely

  1. You are not alone with those feelings. I am going through the same. My wife of 10 years left me for someone else and my whole world was shattered. I still love her and feel so lonely and sad. I have gone through hell and if it wasn’t for the guys on this site i would have gone mad by now. A lot of us are all going through something similar. It is not easy what we are going through and there will be more bad days than others but the guys have shown me that there is light at the end of the tunnel, it might take a little time to get there but we will. Your wife is only being nasty to you because she feels guilty about what she has done. Dont rush into anything try and talk to her and most importantly your children should come first. This is what i am trying to do for my children. My wife cant see what hurt she is causing them. But keep your chin up, well at least try.

  2. Hi Marty, thanks for replying to my message. Its comforting to know im not the only one with these feelings. She seems to be so angry with everything and takes it out on me. When will i learn to stop phoning her, im practically begging her to talk to me but she just puts the phone down on me. Then im left feeling frustrated and a wreck all over again. I don’t even know how i feel its as if some feelings totally contradict others.

  3. Derek hi and welcome. We understand your pain and confused feelings. It is about taking a small step at a time, and trying to regain control of your destiny instead of thinking it is in HER hands. Her behavior is probably her trying to avoid the guilt and bad feelings she has about what she has done – it is easier for her to put it all “on you” rather than take responsibility. Try hard to stop phoning her when you feel so bad, go online here or write it down in a notebook, try to get stronger a little at a time. Each day is a victory and time will make things easier … it is a hard road ahead, all of us on here know that, but we are here rooting for you, and offering our shoulders to cry on! Good luck, keep in touch.

  4. Thanks for your advice guys, Im feeling really down at the moment (just spoke to her!!). I know your right, and at times i am more angry at myself than her. Ive read all the postings on here and its helpful to see other peoples thoughts and feelings. Its good to see people supporting each other.

  5. My wife left me 12 weeks ago saying she wanted more time and space. i then found out about her boyfriend, i was totally shocked i thought everything was OK between us, she gave me no indication that she was unhappy. The kids are really upset and want me to come back. they are aged 8 and 5 . They are very confused especially as she has introduced them to him already. She now has a cottage which she is doing up and no doubt he will move into. The feelings that you are going through are normal ( i have been told) I keep ringing her and texting her but she does not slam the phone down on me but does say i cant go on like this and i have to get over her (easy for her to say when she is not the one who was dumped) She tells me that it is not my fault and that she just grew apart from me. She says i am a wonderful, special person who deserves better. This just makes me more confused. You will find this site so helpful, its great just to log on and have a chat with someone who understands what you are going through, because i don’t know about you but the amount of people who have offered me advise that don’t know what they are talking about is tremendous. I have only come a short way and have a long way to go but feel that i have made some progress just by listening to the guys on here.

  6. Good morning – it’s not such a good morning for me. I have two grumpy and overtired children to look after. She went out yesterday to a barbecue (?) and didn’t come home last night …it’s 11am and she still hasn’t come home. Part of me just doesn’t “care” that she is obviously with her other man, but part of me feels so angry that she knows we are splitting and can’t at the very least treat me with some respect or be honest until we part. I have tried so hard to make things reasonable but she is such a selfish person, I am feeling VERY angry that I have to leave my home leaving her sitting pretty in MY house with no upheaval to deal with. I am fuming this morning but at least I can “let rip” here and know that you guys understand. GGGRRRRRR!!!!!!!

  7. That must be horrible, living with in the same house while shes seeing someone else? I don’t how can you can cope with that, there’s no feeling worse to me anyway than waiting to see whether someones going to ring or come home. I really feel for you, id hate to be in that position. Im bad enough and shes not here anymore!! I hope your day gets better mate…

  8. Hi Derek, and thank you for your kind words. I have been living like this for over a year now although it had been going on for at least 6 months before that. Now I just want to get on with my life but she still acts like a bitch and then tells me she isn’t going to persuade me to stay because “I want to be free” !!! Turns it round to be my fault and has never admitted she is seeing someone else, just refuses to say anything “it’s not what you think” Yeah, right. I understand the feelings you are going through, and I felt like that when I found out – panicked, desperate, afraid … a year and a bit later I feel stronger and like I love myself again. Her cheating and lies made me feel lower than i could imagine – but now I feel I am on the way up – with the occasional wobble like today …and that was more anger than hurt. Keep hanging in there!!!!

  9. Your “lack of respect” observation really hits home with me. My wife met somebody else and is leaving to be with him (as soon as I can give her half of my money). But since she told me about it there has been a complete lack of thought or care on her part for how I am feeling. I couldn’t stay in the same house as her and have been staying at my parents. But I call round every day to see my gorgeous little son. The other day I was shocked to see a picture of her and this new bloke on my bedside cabinet! It’s been horrible to realise that someone you cared about so much, really doesn’t give a damn about you at all. I have found it’s best to deal with things one day at a time. You will have awful days and have times where you are fine but then feel like someone has punched you in the stomach. Try to take control of what’s happening in your life. Don’t wait for her to dictate what will happen. You will feel a little better just to have a bit of control back in your hands. Concentrate on your children and you will realise that they are the most important thing in your life. It’s her loss, she has broken the family up not you. You can get through this and find someone who deserves you. She will find out that “what goes around comes around” and you will be a different stronger person when it does. Good Luck

  10. Hi Derek, The guys are right. Try to stop contacting her as all that is doing is making her feel in control. Apparently they have to do that for some reason!!!! whatever it may be. My wife takes it really badly if I don’t contact her and because I see a reaction it makes me more determined to carry it through. Keep your chin up and try not to listen to any of her ****. I know it’s easier said than done but start to think of yourself now. She made the decision to walk, let her live with that decision. What goes around comes around and she will rue the day. Keep believing that and know that you have done nothing wrong except love your family. Don’t let her take that away from you.

  11. Derek ,I have seen some signs that I am sure there is something going wrong in my marriage, I do not want to face them. I do not want to have the face the times ahead especially after reading these letters. How can one carry on a single life after being with someone constantly for 8 years. I am scared of being on my own again. I was so independent before my marriage, and what about my two children……..

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