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I Am Lonely And Married

Submitted By Clark:

I think it’s fair to say I have a good wife. Apart from her taking good care of the kids, she still finds a way to make our house feel like a home. I see all she does and truly appreciate it, but something is just missing. The connection isn’t just there anymore and it looks like we’ve lost touch on just about everything; sex, communication, fun etc. To say our sex life isn’t active would be a lie, but having sex with her has now become a perfunctory duty. And I can sense she feels the same way.

No matter how much we try to make love, there’s just this aura of disinterest between us that makes everything seem like a routine. There’s no spark, there’s no fire, there’s no passion; it just feels drab. So these days, I secretly go to the bathroom to jerk off because I miss ‘it’. I know it looks bad but please don’t judge. The problem now is that our poor attempt at intimacy has drawn us apart and I have no friends to talk to. The few ones I used to have aren’t so close anymore because I invested too much time in my family. Keeping the wife happy was too demanding so I ended up neglecting my friends. Now that I have none, I really feel lonely and there’s no one to hang out with or share my problems with. I can’t just help but to ask if it’s her fault or if something is actually wrong with me? Anyone out there who have walked in these shoes before?

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3 thoughts on “I Am Lonely And Married”

  1. Hello Mac! I can totally relate. My wife and I were faced with a similar situation sometime back. The only difference was that she had just changed to a new job that was far from home. So she came home exhausted and would still try to make dinner and take care of the kids. I saw my wife withdrawing from me as she started paying more attention to the kids.

    I didn’t notice we were drifting apart, until some months after when I began to notice the crease on her forehead and a little temper that was not always there. I’ll advise you to sit your wife down and have a conversation with her. Affirm how much you love her and how much of an excellent wife you know she is. Words of affirmation can perform wonders! I know this first hand. About your friends, do not worry! It happens all the time. Just pick up your phone, call them and Invite them for a hangout. Tell your wife you’ll be a bit late on such occasions, dot her with so much love and she’ll be more than willing to see you go for some hours. A man needs his friends too, you never know who’s got the network you need.

  2. Jerking off in the bathroom?! (normal) I won’t judge you. Having insipid sex can make a man go any length to seek pleasure. Though it takes two to tango, I don’t think the blame should be upon you. Have you tried connecting with your wife by talking about the issue? Baring your mind and ironing issues out should sort this dead sexual intimacy issue of yours. I do agree that after marriage, sex never stays the same especially after having kids. But this is why you need to spice things up.

    You have to make her realise that marriage is give and take a 50/50 thing. It’s unfair to have a partner breaking his back to keep the other happy, especially in your case. Do not resort to divorce or cheating even if the latter seems tempting at this juncture. I’m not a huge fan of marriage counsellors, so I’ll advise you to try talking to her about it before taking a final decision.

  3. While every other person is pro-your wife, I’ll advise you that you maintain your own autonomy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should not try and make things work, you really should because women don’t just want to have sex if there’s a lack of communication. They’ll see it as a role and not an act to be enjoyed. What I want you to do is to create time to be yourself and enjoy the things that truly make you happy. If you don’t, in the end, you will end up resenting her for making you miss out on things that would have made you happy in life. So make time for yourself, reconnect with old friends and create long-lasting memories with new ones.


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