What if I told you marriage is a lot like prostitution belied with affection or the motive to foster a family, will you call me bitter? People go into relationships for different reasons, while marrying for love and romance is the most common driving motive of getting married, life experiences has shown that a lot of ulterior motives go into the decision of tying the Knott. Hypergamy is the act or practice of marrying someone of higher caste or social status. Simply put, hypergamy means “marrying up”.
Next to the word hypergamy is a woman’s name; women are naturally hypergamous. Except in some rare cases whereby a man marries the daughter of a wealthy man to elevate his status, men generally breed across and down in the dominance hierarchy. In the end, it’s just the way both sexes are wired. The same way you find women’s boobs and ass attractive, and also want to pollinate a multitude of beautiful women, the same way women are designed to find men that are of higher status attractive.
WHY ARE MOST WOMEN HYPERGAMOUS?
Women have the tendency to date or marry the best possible man they can lay their hands on in terms of wealth, success, ambition, and socioeconomic standing in general. You can’t blame them though, because it’s in their biology. Just the way men choose attractive partners because they can, women also choose partners with material resources simply because they make life more comfortable. A woman is designed to choose a dominant male and get fertilized with the best possible genes. She is a potential mother and home builder, with this in mind; she will always strive to look for a man of capable means. Yet some women are just downright gold diggers.
A woman (educated/socialite/the type you can marry) either marries a ready-made man or one she sees potential in. No woman wants to settle down with a liability. And one who falls in love with and marries a young man with a promising future is only taking a chance on him. A few years down the line, if such a man does not rise up to the expected standard, she starts to get irritated, the feelings she has for him starts to fade, she becomes frustrated and all of a sudden, love is not enough to sustain such relationship and it hits the rocks. No wonder many men are of the notion that a woman’s love is conditional; she will only love you as long as you can provide her with material things or simply give her the good life, but then it is only natural for her to view a relationship as a stepping stone to a better life. Women believe and hope that things can always improve and that is why you will usually hear them say things like “I am beautiful, if she can have that caliber of man, then I see no reason why I can’t. I can definitely do better than the man I am currently with.” Almost like it is their birth right to be with someone they consider successful, they feel naturally entitled and they will willingly abandon their current partner at the drop of a hat if there is the slightest chance that they can get someone of even higher status.
Another reason to why some women are hypergamous in many parts of the world is because they feel the best way to escape penury is by dating a successful man with the hope of eventually tying the knot, and the husband to be wouldn’t want to see his woman’s family go hungry, would he? Some parents even raise their daughters in such a way that they practically tell her every day of her life to go after the well to do guys only because they believe the best possible use of a daughter is for her to increase the status of the family. At times it’s partly the man’s fault. You date a “slay queen” or marry a trophy wife, yet you expect her to stay when things are no longer fun or when the honey pot is dry! She needs to conform to a particular status quo, use the latest designer bags and shoes, put on designer clothes, and be a slay queen on the gram (Instagram). She never wants to be perceived as poor amongst her peers so she will do almost anything to maintain that life and the easiest way to do that is to cheat or go after richer men.
EFFECT ON MARRIAGE AND SCENERIOS
Hypergamy has been ever present in many cultures and countries, with the hopes that the woman’s family improves their rank or social status. So it’s not something some misogynist recently coined. But how did it get out of hand? From man’s creation down to the early part of the 19th century, the future and quality of a woman’s life had been largely dependent on the success of the husband, so it was imperative that they married up. But as civilization came to play and feminist continued to wave their magical wand, divorce which was frowned at in all cultures no longer became an issue. Divorce which would have gotten her stigmatized and put her family in social ruin, is currently what women freely go for without trying to make their marriage work. With a lot of positive incentives for the ex wife, it’s no surprise why divorce rates are getting higher, with women initiating a huge amount of them. Apart from the Alimony, Child Support fees and properties she can get from the divorce, these vindictive women, with their chance of finding ‘love’ impaired, initiate divorce because they’re conscious of the fact that taking a huge chunk of your income, assets, and happiness will reduce your chances of dating other women post divorce.
With the exception of a woman that earns as much money or more money than the husband, or a woman willing to sign a prenup agreement, most women go into marriage with a motive fleece or benefit financially. And that’s the more reason why I likened marriage to prostitution. But unlike wives, prostitutes are honest; they don’t pretend they don’t care about your money and that all they want is your good character, sense of humor and good looks. Hypergamy has contributed immensely to failure of relationships and a lot of broken homes today. There are even cases where you can’t help but wonder what else could a woman possibly want because you can see that her man tends to her needs and practically worships the ground she walks on, but she doesn’t seem satisfied and still divorces such a man. Truly hypergamy doesn’t care! A woman can also get married to a very successful man and at the time, he was the best man she could ever hope for. A couple of years into the marriage, she starts to get bored, she becomes repulsed by him, she starts to find men that are more attractive and successful than him appealing. She will probably cheat on him, divorce him, and if she is lucky enough not to get caught, she will probably also walk away with a large chunk of his money.
And there are those that leave behind a trail of bitter men. These are the women who mostly marry because they can’t foot their bills or mostly due to pressure from parents and society. With their biological clock ticking close to the last hour, and haven gotten tired of dating bad boys or living a promiscuous life, they settle for men they had probably put in the friend-zone, the second class citizens (usually rich, responsible and never actually had a chance with them). They become unhappy in the relationship, miserable at their luck and after a few years, they serve the poor men with divorce papers, get the rewards (alimony and assets) of their hypergamous marriage, and go after the imaginary men they feel they could have had. This actually reminds me of Forrest Gump. If Jenny had lived longer, she probably would have left Forrest. Men rarely go for women that are equally successful or of higher status because they feel the woman will always question their authority and make them feel emasculated.
As a consequence men will continue to be victims of hypergamy. But not to worry, Hypergamy does not go on forever because women usually stop acting on their hypergamous impulse when they feel they can’t do better than what they already have or when they have fewer options because they are getting old and are not getting as much attention from men as they used to. This might explain why divorce rates are lower among couples that marry late because such women have most likely seen it all and know they can’t possibly do better. Even though women are naturally hypergamous, there are still a few exceptions; women that appreciate their husbands’ efforts, are in love with their kind heart, and are contented with their marriage.
Please Submit Your Own Story…
Please consider sharing your story with others suffering now. How you coped? How you felt? What helped? What were the circumstances that led up to your separation? How do you cope with loneliness? The more you can share the better.
Your story really does help others who are going through the same gut wrenching pain. Your story reinforces the fact that they are not alone in their suffering.