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How long does a broken heart last?

Submitted By Oliver:

Three and a half months ago my wife said the words that I knew meant the end. We have 2 young children.

I cried as a result of love for my wife and my children. Since then I have had massive bouts of stress and have had to take time off work.

Amazingly I am now showing some signs of self survival. I have seen my doctor and a solicitor. I have pleaded with my wife to change her mind but I am realising that his is probably counter productive. How long does a broken heart last?

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3 thoughts on “How long does a broken heart last?”

  1. Hello Oliver and welcome to this site. I’m so sorry to hear of the break up of your relationship. All of us who are here have some idea of the pain and bewilderment you are experiencing at the moment, even though we may be at different stages in the break-up process.

    There are no magic answers I’m afraid – at least, none that we’ve discovered. I personally have found a good deal of support and comfort through this site, and hope you will do too. Here you can express your feelings, let off steam, ask advice, whatever you feel you need to do. We are all here to help you through it. This is a mutual support group in essence. Please use us to help you for as long as you feel you need us. Take care Andrew

  2. Hi Oliver, Like Andrew I have no magic solutions or answers to how long does a broken heart heal? But having been in a similar situation maybe I can offer a few words of advice. Everyone’s different but I think you are probably right about pleading being counterproductive. It can have the effect of making them withdraw even more and put up barriers to try and protect themselves from the guilt they feel.

    Try and talk through it rationally without getting too emotional. Very hard I know but probably best. You don’t say why she has done this or if there is anyone else involved although I suspect “the words that I knew meant the end” means there is, and these are clearly relevant factors. I never managed to get my wife to go when it was at the critical stage but I really think it’s important for both of you to talk through your feelings and sometimes it’s easier for someone impartial and experienced to draw out the relevant facts.

    Try and be strong and maintain your dignity. It’s good that you’ve already seen people about it. I left it until the depression really set in before I saw a doctor and wished I’d gone earlier. Your kids are also important and whatever you do you need to try and remain strong around them and keep up contact. Don’t know whether you are still living together but if either of you has moved out then you should both make an effort to make sure the other ones relationship with the kids doesn’t suffer. It’s still early days and all is not lost. I didn’t manage to save my marriage but maybe you still can if you both want it and this is what you need to work out. We’re all at different stages of the process and have arrived here via a number of different roots but the one thing we all have in common is that we know some of what you’re going through. Read through all the stories on here and you’ll see you’re not alone. All the best

  3. Hi Oliver, I agree with Chrissy about being emotional. In order to cope with the break-up of my marriage I had to ‘detach’ myself from my wife and learn to harden my heart to her emotional outbursts (not pleading, more mud-slinging and manipulation). My aim was to make myself immune to the pain she caused me to feel after sleeping with my brother. If she is trying to ‘detach’ herself to clear her head and move on, your pleading will seem threatening to her and she may ‘block’ you out. Of course, not everyone is like me! so I could be very wrong


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