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Girlfriend says she needs space and time to think

My Story – By Andrew:

Sometimes when I look at the turn of events, the thought of what must have happened to my girl just comes to my mind. We got engaged six months after dating each other, we were childhood neighbours but we never really interacted much because of the fact that I was way older than her and we were never in the same space. I think there was never really anything to talk about between us. I was almost close to my mid- thirties when we started dating and she was just twenty-six. Her parents are quite well to do and I guess that sped up her education while I had to hustle out my way up the social economy ladder. I always felt that we rushed things a bit because when I started getting close to her, she had just broken up with her boyfriend and was trying to get over him. She was the one who insinuated that I proposed to her, and I wasn’t going to let the opportunity pass me by because I was already half way in love with her and she seemed like the most amazing girl that I could ever marry.

Everything was blissful for a while and I almost had it all. At first I thought that it was the pre-wedding jitters coupled with the preparation for the wedding that was taking a toll on me. But it turned out that I was more excited about the idea of getting married than she was and after a while she started to withdraw from me. I think it first started as a complaint of me being too old fashioned about everything. I always liked the way things were, not that I am old school but I’m principled in the way I go about life generally.

She is very opinionated and this made us argue a lot without reaching a level of understanding. When I try to tell her why my point of view may be a better option, she says I try to call her immature and I am playing the age card with her. I think most of her actions at times are immature and she needs to get adjusted to the reality of her getting married soon. She acts as if she is still in her sophomore year, hangs out with her friends (which I initially had nothing against them until recently), clubs a lot and stays late at night. When she started this I was not too comfortable with her but she said she needed her space and her world didn’t revolve around one man and that she had a life to live as well.

I begged for her attention and this made me look very needy. I tried to give her all the attention and even tried to reason to her school of thought just to try and come down to her level. She was kind of a nerd when she was in school and now, she wants to make up for all the years she spent not building her social life. I thought it was cool but now she is really over-doing the whole thing. Her free time is wasted on social media chatting with a guy called Cole. I have never met the guy before but from what I read from her chats with him it seems like they’re more than friends. I later figured out that Cole was a co-worker in her place of work, who is better looking and still young. I see all these and I don’t know how to place my feelings.

I mean I shouldn’t be intimidated by him, but I am as he has a better physique. I have tried to slim down and I am on a strict diet now. Even with all the efforts that I’ve invested in working on myself, she is still not focused on us. I am thinking of also considering an ex who is desperately trying to come back and she doesn’t mind the affair even though she knows I am about to get married. Maybe I should give her space and let her enjoy her freedom while I do mine too. The option of breaking the engagement also occurred but she doesn’t want out, she says that she just needs space before she gets married and that it is just a temporary thing. What does that even mean? I don’t want to sound needy or clingy but men also need attention especially from the person they plan to spend the rest of their life with.

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3 thoughts on “Girlfriend says she needs space and time to think”

  1. Hey Andrew, I don’t think trying to get involved with an ex is a good option. There are reasons why ex are ex. I think they should sometimes stay that way. This isn’t going to help, in fact I think it is going to complicate issues and the idea of playing the innocent card is gone. You can’t be the victim again. If you really want to spend the rest of your life with her you really need to talk to her about it and maybe try to come down to her level of understanding, that way she is going to level up with you. Age at times has nothing to do with the level of maturity. She is in her early twenties, and she is living her age. I am not trying to make excuses for her but I think you need to understand her. That’s all I can see. It’s important to also ask her if you both are on the same page as regards wanting to get married. I think that also is important at this stage so you don’t get strung on.

  2. This is an important stage in a relationship and if she isn’t showing enthusiasm about it, I think you need to rethink the idea of getting married. I feel she only gave you a chance when she was vulnerable after her break up. She probably never even liked you. You have a fault in this because you made a move on her when she was an emotional mess. I’m sorry to say what you think both of you have is probably a rebound relationship that went too far. I respect principled people a lot and I appreciate the fact that you are in this age that things are strictly out of control. If she is cheating now, she probably will cheat when you get married to her and I am glad that you are seeing her for what she is now, before it is too late. I really wish you well in all that.

  3. Hi Andrew, I think I understand what you are going through, but you have to realize that you are dating someone that is by far younger than you are and obviously you guys will see things in different lights. But the fact she has asked for a break goes to show that she is not ready to get married just yet. In as much as I would like to berate you for looking at your girlfriends chat, the fact that you have discovered that she is intimate with Cole only goes to prove my point that she is not yet ready for marriage. I will advise that you give her the space that she seeks, while you take the time out to evaluate your own life and try to move on. Starting a new relationship with an ex is a no no for me. You have to remember that there is a reason why she is your ex and it could all blowup in our face if you are not careful enough.


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