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Emotional Baggage: How to Tame the Beast

“With self-discipline most anything is possible” – Theodore Roosevelt

No one is an overnight success at anything worth succeeding at. If you want to be really good at something, if you want to be the best, you need to have the self-discipline to do what it takes to master that skill. It’s no different being successful with women. So why is it so much easier for you to do well in school, or excel at your job, than it is with women? Ah, that’s because as soon as we bring the opposite sex into the picture we have to deal with our own emotional baggage – and sometimes our emotional baggage can be very old and very heavy indeed.

What emotional baggage are you carrying around right now about women, sex and romance? Whatever it is, you need to understand that the pain you carry around about women from the past is impeding your success with women right now. Let’s look at some ways you can tame this beast in order to allow yourself a fresh start and a clean playing field to succeed at the romance game.

Define Your Baggage

Until you sit down and figure out just what it is that keeps you from moving forward and using all the great tools you’re reading about here to meet and attract women you’ll keep not doing what you need to do. No, I don’t mean you need to dwell in the past (some of you are doing that enough already) but you do need to understand just what it is in the past that crumpled your confidence with the opposite sex now. Is it about how you finally got the nerve up in seventh grade to tell Cynthia how much you liked her and how she then laughed in your face and told everyone else what a dweeb you were? Is it about that time you got stood up for the Prom? Is it your sadness and anger over how badly your last relationship ended…too many years ago to count?

Don’t revel in the pain; try your best to look at it with fresh curiosity. What happened then that really caused this scar now? Forget the “whose” and the “where’s” and the “what’s”. Play detective and break things down. What pattern began in the past and is being relived in your present?

Affirm This Situation No Longer Has Power

Write out whatever happened to you in the past and then underneath it write out that this situation no longer has power over your life. Repeat it over to yourself until you can say it with conviction and believe it. Burn the piece of paper you’ve written on and continue affirming out loud that this situation no longer has power over you.

Think it sounds silly? Is anything else getting you to move your butt in the right direction? Okay then, maybe it’s worth a shot.

Face Where You’re Shooting Yourself in the Foot Right Now

What aren’t you doing right now that would help you meet women? Where are you lazy and shut down? What excuses are you giving yourself? Do you think you’re too poor, too out of shape, too shy, too young, too old etc. to meet the women you’d like to meet? Well guess what – unless you start right here right now honing the skills you need you’ll never meet them. That’s right, if you keep giving into excuses you’ll never get off the couch. I don’t care if you are overweight, need a better paying job, or can’t even drive yet. Each and every day there is something you can do to improve your skills with women. You’ve read the articles, now it’s time to put the game into motion by practicing. Just like Justin Timberlake and dancing you need to keep practicing the moves to dazzle on the floor.

Break it Down, Make it Simple

No matter what you want to accomplish in life you’ve got to start where you are, with the skills you have right now. There’s no better way to continue sitting on the couch, or in front of the computer, than creating goals that are just too much too soon. You win by doing, not by thinking about what you’d like to do. So break your goals down and make them simple. Are you too shy to ask the hottest girl in school out to the movies? Then start by having conversations with girls in school you know are friendly. Just getting use to talking to girls in an easy manner is moving you in the right direction.

Maybe you’re out in the work world and can’t date women in your company, yet you’re too shy to go up to women you don’t know in a club. Make it easy for yourself. Find a local coffee bar or cheery pub to hang out in for a couple hours at least once a week. You’ll start to recognize other regulars, including cute women. Start with saying “hi” and work up from there…but you have to get yourself out the door and into a regular social scene before anything can happen.

Laugh At The Past

That emotional baggage will still haunt you now and again – usually when you least expect it and at the worst possible time. Recognize that if this was anyone else’s life story you’d begin to find the fear ridiculous and humorous. Laugh at yourself. Laugh at that little voice of fear in your head. Affirm again and again it has no power over you and keep moving forward with your goals. Laugh at the new fears that keep cropping up and keep moving forward with your goals.

Fear will always be in your life in one form or another, especially when you try something new…but would you rather hang out with fear or have a real love life with a real woman? Fear will keep you glued to your computer gazing at women who you’ll never meet. Laughing at your fear will get you out the door to meet real women…trust me, they’re worth it.

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