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Divorce & Dealing With Change

Submitted By Dennis Marshall :

Rejecting change

You may have stayed in an unsatisfactory relationship for a long time because you were afraid of dealing with the changes that splitting up forces upon you.

You may be unwilling to accept that your marriage or long-term relationship, is over because of the upheaval it will bring to your life.

This is only normal. But you will have to deal with all these changes at some point. Putting off important decisions will only make it worse.

Early shocks

When your relationship first ends, you will probably be in shock and denial and in no fit state to deal with the magnitude of changes that are going to hit you. This will be followed by an emotional roller-coaster. Yet, at the same time as handling these emotions, you will have to tackle the practical changes and work out your financial situation, where you are going to live, and how you are going to handle work.

Facing the crisis

When we are faced with crises, we act in order to survive. We have to work very hard with mental discipline not to cave in.

Acknowledging feelings

It is essential that we express our emotions in the face of the devastation we feel whether it be anger, terror, tears, resentment, loneliness, emptiness, frustration. We should acknowledge those feelings as part of the journey into a new life.

We can easily get stuck in concepts of unfairness and victimisation, wishing for a reversal – some kind of magic wand.


We should never underestimate the challenge of change, but we should ask ourselves “Is the pain the pain of my resistance?”

Taking responsibility

Ask yourself questions, give yourself encouragement, step aside from any belief that you are being punished. Take responsibility for the changes and you could be amazed at all that opens up for you.

Your strength

Be gentle and compassionate with yourself but never underestimate the resilience and regeneration within you.

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