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BEFORE I DIE I WANT TO LIVE

Hi guys my name is Mike. Today marks exactly twenty years since I got divorced and I am not sure why I am suddenly feeling this way. One would think it is twenty years and by now I should have made peace with it. Yet, deep down I don’t feel okay. It is like an emotion that I buried deep down for a while and it just keeps resurfacing.

I recently got retired about six months ago and I think it makes me feel more useless waking up in the morning and not doing anything. My old bones are just getting weaker every day and for now, no one wants to hire a sixty years old with arthritis.

I have a daughter who is far away in Australia but we seldom get in touch. These days, I find myself getting a weird sense of emptiness. I feel so lonely and with nothing to do that will keep my mind off this loneliness. And please don’t get me started on dating. I think I am too old for that. For now, only alcohol is good to me. I return home late at night drunk because nothing really appeals to me any more. What makes me feel really sad is that when I was younger I always had a different view about how my old age will be and it was nothing like this.

I never dreamt that at this stage of my life I would be a pathetic cranky old man with no family. The way I see things now, it doesn’t look like things are going to end well for me. How can I find happiness or at least feel alive again?

Please consider leaving a comment at the bottom of this page as your advice will help…


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3 thoughts on “BEFORE I DIE I WANT TO LIVE

  1. Hey Mike, I’ll like to ask what was your relationship with your daughter before she moved to Australia? I think you should get in touch with her and probably plan a visit. Though kids of this generation don’t like their parents getting into their space, it just might be worth the try. So try and get more involved in her life. The reason you may feel she is distant from you may be because she feels disconnected from you. Although I don’t know what your stories were, getting together might be what both of you need.

  2. I think I understand how you feel about feeling empty inside for a man like you who was always active and now you feel passive. I don’t think excessive drinking is the best means of numbing your emotions. You’re getting old and too much of it is not good for your health. I think beautiful moments is what you should seize. Do you still have some friends around? Reach out to them, you don’t have the excuse of being busy again. Get a pet if that will bring smiles to your face. At your age, you should be more focused on creating beautiful memories. Your daughter has her life to live, so should you. And as regards dating, there are niche dating sites for older folks. I think you should check them out. We all need companionship.

  3. From what I can read, I can decipher that you have been a workaholic for most of your younger days. Now that you’re retired, you need to come to terms that your working days are over. As crude as it might sound, you are in the latter part of your life and you don’t know when heaven might come calling. So why waste it brooding on things of the past? I think what you need is therapy and activities that you can channel some of your positive energy into. I believe that you’ll be fine. All you have to do is to start investing in positive emotions.

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