The Phoenix Men are a fellowship that offers camaraderie and adventure to heartbroken, lonely or ageing men in the land of smiles…

“Every man can transform his world from one of LONELINESS, HEARTACHE or AGEING to one of excitement and adventure.”

About Phoenix Men

How and Why Phoenix Men Came into Being

If you are reading this page then you are probably feeling a little somber either through loneliness, divorce, separation or old age, whatever your reason I hope you can find a little solace within the pages of this website.

I myself went through all the negative emotions that you can imagine possible during my own separation and eventual divorce after a seventeen-year relationship. There had been problems near the end, but I can honestly say that I did not see the marriage ending and I certainly never, in a million years, thought it would all end in divorce.

Where I am now compared to where I was a few years ago is a million miles apart (literally). My bitterness, anger and confusion have been replaced with a sense of relief that it’s all over and that I came through it. I no longer blame anyone and accept that some people are just not meant to be together forever. I was blessed with great kids from my marriage who I really got to know as individuals during my divorce and time living alone.

I was kind of sheltered from the world throughout my seventeen-year marriage as I was way too pre-occupied with my children, my wife, my family duties and my business to take any real notice of what was going on outside of my inner sanctum. I lost touch with all the friends I had when I was younger, as they, like me, were now also pre-occupied with family life, work etc. I am sure most readers can probably relate to this!

After my separation, I found myself living alone in a small apartment, most nights spent looking at four walls trying to figure out how it all got to this stage; which I have covered extensively in (Sifting Through the Ashes).

Ye Very Nice
Ye Very Nice

I came to realise very quickly that society, and women especially, had massively changed, in a negative way, from when I was a young man. I got myself out there into the whole dating scene thing and managed to go on a handful of dates. I was raised at a time when women were ladylike and acted as such, and I was raised to treat women with respect and to always demonstrate good manners.

Maybe I was unlucky in my choices or I was looking in the wrong place. Who knows? The women I dated came from various social backgrounds and, on the whole, were extremely arrogant, self-centred and narcissistic. I was now fully immersed into a morally broken world, where emphasis is placed on material wealth, looks, and admiration for celebs and their lifestyles. A world in which I was witnessing more and more men abandoning female company and relinquishing relationships, as they are terrified that anything they say, every behaviour they express, every opinion they make, will be taken as offensive, sexist or predatory. A socially engineered world constantly bombarded with TV shows normalising broken families, emasculated male figures, other topics I won’t mention, as well as the glorification of cheating and betrayal.

Had Enought Yet?

My head was spinning as I asked myself what the hell had happened? How had things become so bad? Like I said earlier, I was kind of sheltered from most of what was going on as for the most part of my married life I was too engrossed in my business and family. Obviously, over the years I had read the odd newspaper article or watched something on TV that generated an outburst of disbelief, but now separated and alone with time on my hands I was thrown into a world that I did not recognise. The world I once knew was gone.

Had Enought Yet?

I know I could have eventually adapted or lowered my standards, but in the end I had to be true to myself. Somehow, I had to get out. Everyone is built differently – some guys need love and some do not, some guys can live with loneliness and some cannot, some guys never question anything or anyone as they are totally void of any self awareness. But for me to function on all cylinders I needed to be part of something positive and productive; I needed common sense, decency and normality. Did I want to be sitting here shouting at the TV in an effort to put the world to rights? Did I want to be still sitting here old, decrepit, bitter, twisted, and filled with regret and what ifs? NO WAY!

Not For Me - Thanks.
Not For Me – Thanks.

The tipping point came on a freezing, dull, grey morning whilst watching an old guy with walking sticks from my apartment window. He was desperately struggling to get up the road, out of breath with an icy gale blowing in his face, his body disheveled with a lonely, regretful look on his face that said it all. I saw myself in that guy in the years to come and it scared the hell out of me. The trigger had been pulled; I had to go.

I had done my three years alone. No longer was I prepared to let fear lie to me.

Deep down I hankered after the sanctuary of another age, the chivalry of another time, the comfort and peace of a place where human values, customs and traditions were still alive.

I spent the next twelve months traveling all around South East Asia and during that time Phoenix Men was born. Born out of the fact that I had to share what I had found with others; guys going through divorce, loneliness or aging. I wanted to show that there was more to life and to convince you to take just a little time out of your situation, step back and see it for what it really is. I want you to experience real friendship and create lasting positive memories. I want you to know that you are not alone and that there is still a place on Earth un-marred by Western culture, a place where normality is the norm.

My children are grown up and doing well. Any issues I had were confronted, accepted or dealt with. I was not running from my past but rather sprinting into my future. I consider myself lucky in the fact that I had the means and the will to go; so I went and the rest, as they say, is history.

Final Note

There is a lot of good in the world happening on a daily basis that we just do not get to hear about; it’s not all doom and gloom. I know from my own experiences that most people are inherently compassionate, caring and good deep down once they unload the affinity they carry for their native environment.

Are you open to new experiences? Are you ready to live and to feel alive?

Start Living – Come And Join Us