My Loneliness Story – By Alex:
I’m a caring, nice and compassionate person, yet people ignore me anyway. Could it be something I am doing that is scaring people off? I have no idea. People just don’t seem to care enough about me to start or keep a conversation going. I’m generally the “if no one else is there” guy; meaning if there is no other person to talk to, that’s when people talk to me.
But the fact remains that I’m shy and generally very introverted in public. So it’s very hard for me to meet new people, in that I’m not particularly good at starting conversations. I have a tendency of keeping to myself anytime I am in a new place, and this has made it very difficult for me to make new friends. I do have some friends, but I wouldn’t consider them “close” and they all went away working and never bothered to call me at any point.
I just find it difficult to express myself to those around me. I go around saying hi to neighbors and co-workers but it just never goes beyond that. I work in the same firm with my mom. While my mom is very popular within the company, I am generally ignored by everyone but my direct boss and about 2 other people. My mom told me that she was also very introverted as a child, and that some people may perceive a quiet and shy demeanor as egotistical, which I found completely dumbfounding. That could be it, but I find that hard to believe.
I once had a co-worker who I liked so much and I was convinced that she liked me as well, but each time she was around my cubicle, I get tongue-tied. She has tried to start a conversation with me on numerous occasions, but I couldn’t go beyond the exchange of pleasantries.
I just turned 40 recently, and still I have never had a real relationship. At the rate that I am going, I doubt if I will ever find love. I have signed up on so many dating apps, but I would be lucky if the ladies see the night out whenever I get a date. And if they do, they stop answering my calls. I guess it’s safe to say that I have embarrassed myself on a number of occasions. Most times, I feel like I’ve wasted all those years of my life. Of course, if a better job comes along, it could bring some meaning to life and improve my chances with women. I still feel a certain level of doubt within me because not too many women generally care about me, and I just don’t seem to ever catch any breaks.
I have gotten advice from some family members and co-workers who have tried to be of help, but most times it just never works out. Most of the things they ask me to do seem very easy on the eye but each time I try to practice them, it just never works out. I even went as far as joining a support group at some point, but I soon lost interest and stopped attending.
I gave up on trying a long time ago, most nights now I just lay on my bed and get lost in my own thoughts. I have had some scary thoughts in some occasions, but they haven’t ever pushed me too far. I want to get out of this snare of loneliness before it is too late. I want to also have night out with friends and find love. I guess in some way it eases the pain to see others are in the same boat, but that doesn’t make everything better. Oh well.
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