She loves me but isn’t “In Love” with me…

My Story – By Danny:

My wife has recently told me she is not “in love” anymore, but does still love me. About a year ago we fell onto hard times when 1 day out of the blue she told me she was unhappy and did not love me at all. After 2 months of therapy (for both of us) we found out that she felt very controlled by me. I have since been working on why she felt that way and have made much progress.

After our 2 months of therapy everything just went away one day and she said she was happy again. 10 months went by and everything she said was good again, and then about a month ago, episode 2 struck. She now says she still feels controlled even though she says I am not doing anything specific to control her. She feels she doesn’t know who she is and can’t find herself with me in the picture. She bottles everything up and won’t talk about what bothers her until the damage is already done.

Last time we barely spoke and there was no sex life. This time we still have physical relations every day, talk and hang out together. We started dating when she was 17 and I was 20. We are now 30 and 33 and have been married for a little over 8 years. Neither one of us have kept in touch with old friends and spend most of our free time together.

We are both in therapy again (separately not couples), but she says if she had to make a choice today, she would want a separation. I love my wife very much, but am finding it very hard to understand. How does one just fall out of love? I am confident there is no one else and I am changing for the better, so what else can I do? I do not want to loose the love of my life and my best friend, but I just have a gut feeling if we actually separate – it will be over. I can’t sleep, and it is starting to effect my performance at work. I need help, what can I do to help her get that “In Love” feeling back?

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1 thought on “She loves me but isn’t “In Love” with me…

  1. I’m sorry to hear your having troubles with your relationship, life long relationships aren’t always perfect and are bound to suffer some ups and downs. Having fallen in love at such an young age things may have become routine over the years. She may say she isn’t in love with you anymore, but it seems obvious to me she still has feelings for you. Not many women would bother going through weeks of therapy for someone they don’t care about.

    Of course it takes two to tango, and the success of this union can’t solely rely on you. You can come up with all the ideas in the world and if she isn’t willing to cooperate then there’s no hope. Try your best to try some new things and hopefully it will add the necessary spice the relationship is missing. Don’t kill yourself trying to get her to love you, after all you can’t force someone to love you, it just has to happen.

    Hope things get better…

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