I simply want to love and care for her as my wife!

My Divorce Story – By Marty F:

Why wife has just announced after 10 years of faithful marriage and fatherhood “I just don’t love you anymore”. I am absolutely reeling from this and feel that my whole world is crashing around me. She seems very resolute and I can’t understand why she is reluctant to even try to turn things round for say 6 months – with no guarantees. Is there anything I can do to motivate her genuinely try?

I am saying to her that the consequences are so grave for me, the children, our financial security etc that it must be worth a pause before leaping into the unknown. This seems so sensible to me but she id not convinced. She has reluctantly agreed to come to relate but only to “get them to convince me its over”. Obviously I will always have an obligation to the children but about my wife? It all seems so unfair when I simply want to love and care for her as my wife. Any comments gratefully received.

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5 thoughts on “I simply want to love and care for her as my wife!

  1. How old are you mate, I’m 29 and the exact same thing happened to me about 3 weeks ago, just completely out of the blue she said that’s it Ive had enough, Ive changed and although I love you as a friend I’m not in love with you, talk about tearing your heart out or what, I have 2 children also (boy aged 5 and girl aged 3) we had been married for just over 5 years, what gets me is that mo less than 6 months ago she was telling me how much she loved me and that how she couldn’t cope being without me and now this, she says that there is no-one else and to be honest I believe her, i mean if she had the guts to tell me she didn’t love me then she would have said if there was someone else, my wife wouldn’t even go to see a councillor or anything, she went straight to the council and informed them that she had no-where to go, as it is we are friends with each other and I strongly suggest that you stay on friendly terms with your wife. we have both agreed that we shall sell the house and split everything 50/50.

    I have moved back in with my parents (case of having to) and my property is now vacant and waiting to be sold, I cant really say anything that will make you feel any better, all I can say is that your not on your own, it helps to talk as you don’t get so choked up, I found talking about it very upsetting and what makes it worse is when people say how sorry they are, talk about lump in your throat…. The thing you have to think about is the children try not to worry what she does (easier said than done) but try to make it easier for them, as i said before its been 3 weeks now and luckily i get to see the kids all weekend and whenever I like during the week…. Hope all goes well for you. Take care mate….

  2. My wife of four years (total time together 13 years) has just told me the same thing. To pour acid on the wounds she then started sleeping with someone she had only just met. She said she felt she didn’t love me for the last year and a half, but she never had the guts to tell me how she felt or to allow us the opportunity to try and work things out together.

    She can not think of a single reason why she is not in love with me or why she stopped loving me – she just says she has changed. I’m afraid I don’t have any advice or a magic wand to cure the pain, but I do want you to know that you shouldn’t blame yourself. She is the one who gave up and she is the one who failed. It doesn’t make it any easier to accept, but at least you still have your dignity.

  3. Hi all – I am in the same position where my wife said she doesn’t love me anymore. She is also not going to give us a chance to turn things round. We never communicated well but I didn’t even see it coming and now she is making sounds like a right nasty piece of work even though we shared absolutely everything. I just don’t understand it. I am seeing a councilor on my own at the moment to try and get myself back together. I am also buying a house and the stress is killing me. Sorry I don’t have any remedies for you, I hope someone can come up with something – seems you lose a lot of your joint friends as well – it can get very lonely.

  4. I am 4 years on from where you are right now. Much has happened but things are now, after making some gut wrenching decisions much better. Being honest especially with the children and maintaining your dignity are paramount, through what could be a messy and upsetting time. Yes us men do need to talk because we to can get hurt. good luck. Alex

  5. Chances are you’ll be in a new relationship before long. Next time round think of the relationship as a mutual care agreement and be cold-blooded enough to settle down with your new partner and define on paper such things as shared ideals and attitudes, and commitments on behavior, housework, sex, companionship, finance, care of relatives, and arrangements in the unlikely event of one or other party wanting out. Feelings will fluctuate but if you have a deal to stick to, it makes it stabler and more predictable so you have more confidence and can nip problems in the bud.

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