How to overcome loneliness of being single

My Loneliness Story – By Kenny:

There’s always a down side to everything in life and I think my timid and introverted nature has cost me a lot. I guess sometimes, a parent’s overwhelming love might cost the kid a lot. I was the only child of a single mother and she smothered me too much that I never saw the need of socialising. Thus having a sheltered childhood stamped my faith as a loner for the biggest part of my life. As a child I was extremely shy and never really bonded with anyone. Every person I tried to befriend ended up dominating the relationship.

When I started school, I was quickly turned into a target for the rest of the children. They formed groups of friends, I was however always alone. So after a while some of the more sinister kids started acting violently towards me. They threw me into thorns, gripped me in arm locks and shoved me into the brick walls and also stole a lot of my possessions.

I was an outcast and I belonged to the category of uncool people. No one ever wants to make friends with the dorky kid that will ruin your cool reputation. This made it hard for me to get any friends at all. Eventually I found other outcasts who I befriended, and we would go hide away from the playgrounds, most of the time we made paper-airplanes to amuse ourselves. Anything we did only got us more ridicule from the “cool kids”. Mid way into junior high school, my mum got married and I had two step brothers. At least life was fun while the marriage lasted.

It wasn’t until puberty hit that I realized that growing up with male siblings had a negative impact on my life. Although they had my back and ensured that all the bullying stopped, I became clueless when it came to relating with women. My perception of women was that they were these magical creatures that required special techniques to get them to love you. Even the not so good looking girls got me intimidated. One time I was so infatuated with a girl, that I texted her 3 times a day, saw her every day, only to have her embarrass me when I had the courage to ask her out. I had it bad with girls; from being friend-zoned to being used and exploited, I made up my mind I wasn’t going to try again. Thus I never had a girlfriend.

Then like a light bulb, it occurred to me that if I can’t have a girlfriend, I can as well satisfy my sexual needs by investing in porn. At first it was great; I mean not many differences are there? So I masturbated like 10 times in a day. But the thing with masturbation is that it has some levels to it. The more I watched, the more I got addicted and craved for new unethical materials. Eventually my mum caught me in the act, saw my disturbing sex videos, and made sure I joined a support group that ended up helping me.

Having masturbated most of my life away, it was no surprise I failed out of college. So I got a dead end job and I still got picked on by other staffs. I feel really lonely and I never have the strength for outdoor activities. It’s almost like I’m plagued with fatigue.

On days when I don’t go to work, I would sit for days just staring into the walls in my bedroom, the only other things I did were immediate needs such as eating and other things needed to get through life. I hardly ever sleep; at most I sleep 3 hours a night, even though I popped too many antidepressants in my mouth. This made me extremely paranoid around people in general. With few not so close friends and next to zero people skills, I am always clueless in social gatherings.

I am sad and lonely. I feel within me an endless ocean of regret for all the missed opportunities. I miss the few friends I had. The utter hopelessness of it all feels like a brick wall on my shoulders. I am alone, always alone. I’m alive but no one cares.

Recently taking my life seemed like a good idea, but I guess I don’t have the balls for it. How broken my mother would have become if I hurt myself was enough reason to stop giving it a thought. So now I just get through life, go to work and keep my happy mask on. But deep inside I’m empty. My biggest fear is that I will die alone without ever experiencing happiness and love.

Leave a Comment At The Bottom Of This Page…


Please consider submitting YOUR OWN STORY, as it really does help others who are going through the same gut wrenching pain. Your story reinforces the fact that they are not alone in their suffering.

Recent Comments:

“Thank you for the strength I have been able to draw from all your stories.”

“Dear all. I have just found this site, and am feeling SO much better, for the support offered by each of your stories.”

Sharing your thoughts with others in the same situation allows them to offer support, advice & comradeship.

Submit your story to: phoenixmen@yahoo.com

Related Posts

6 thoughts on “How to overcome loneliness of being single

  1. Dead end job, newly single, trying to cope with the mediocrity of my life, no real friends. I feel lonely and its hard but I guess its all apart of being alive right? I’m trying to get involved in volunteer work right now and its honestly the most rewarding thing about my life right now. I’m afraid I’m beginning to turn to destructive habits to compensate though. Too many cigarettes and too many alcoholic drinks. And that’s how the rest of my days on earth begin.

  2. Kenny, It’s never a nice feeling to think you will be alone, but I guess at some stage of our lives, we all are.

    The saying goes “the only fear we truly have is fear itself”. We are only ever afraid of the things we can’t see. In the past, I have had the same problem with you regarding friends. I had two friends a few years apart, who turned totally psycho on me! I swore I wouldn’t bother again, but I have made two lovely friends who wouldn’t hurt a fly. I’d rather have 1 or 2 close friends than 30 who i hardly see. Going to work is an outlet for us all, being away from home for a time, so it would make it difficult for you since you work from home. Some people seem to make friends so easily, they only have to go to the shops and they’ll strike up a conversation with someone. However, most of us aren’t like that. I think you need to be in a better place with yourself first before you decide who else you are going to bring into your life. It is important that you have some sort of out from your home, take up a hobby, join a class of your interest and you will also meet new people.

  3. I think volunteer work is the way to go my friend. You seem to be more bored then lonely but that’s still a harsh emotion to be stuck with. What you said about alcohol and smoking shows that your resorting to recreational drugs because of this. It seems to me that all you have to do is maybe start going to some social places E.G. bars, social clubs etc, and make some new acquaintances.

    Just distract yourself with other things. Chat with your old friends on Facebook or some other site, and look around for other people your age to socialize with.

  4. Hi Kenny, being shy is not the problem, but refusing to work on your weakness is. I have been a very shy person all my life, even till now I still get shivers each time I am to talk to more than two people at a time. But I have not allowed that to stop me. I embrace every opportunity that I have to put myself out there and I try my possible best to impress whenever I have the chance. I find ways of interacting with people whenever I am in a new place and even though it may not always go my way, I end up learning new things. I learnt a long time ago that approaching people with a smile and actually complimenting something about them is a good way to start up conversations. So why don’t you give socialisation a second shot. Stop selling yourself short and try to actually make new friends. You might get to have more fun than you expect.

  5. While there’s no doubt that most people find it very difficult to move on from the emotional and psychological trauma that they suffered from as kids, a lot of people have and this peoples’ stories end up inspiring us. You can also do the same Kenny. These people became what they are by working on themselves and turning their weaknesses into strengths. Pick some of the stories of these great men and check out how they went from being the unsociable to being the ones people run to. You also need to realize that you have absolutely no right no feel sorry because this things happen to just about anybody. My Dad was a abusive womanizer that maltreated my mum and left us when we were teens. Though I dealt with my bouts of depression, I overcame it. Oprah Winfrey was sexually abused and gave birth to a son that died. That’s just one celebrity to mention that had a hard time growing up. Concisely your past shouldn’t necessarily define you and make a mess the present and future.

  6. I need not meet you to realise that you’re not only lonely, but you’re depressed as well. The worst part is that it will only get worse as the chemicals in your brain gets altered. You need to seek professional help and work on yourself. Being sad and lonely is a thing of the mind and it is something that you can actually work on.

    You have realized your mistakes and now you know how much your being shy has cost you. So rather than feeling sad and living in regrets, you should pick yourself up and ensure that such mistakes never happen again. Next time you are out there and you feel like talking to someone and you are too shy about it, try to start up a conversation. You will find out how easy it is to actually get to know and meet new people.

Leave a Comment