Drinking & sleeping around lost me the girl of my dreams – Whats wrong with me?

My Seperation Story – By a complete idiot:

I met my girlfriend during my final year in college. She casually walked up to me to inquire about an event to which I was a member of its organising committee, and I somehow summoned up just enough courage to ask her if she’d be interested in grabbing a drink with me. She agreed, and the rest is history. We dated for four years, and we were going to get married in the fall of 2017.

Being with my girlfriend changed a lot of things about me, and it wasn’t just in a good way. At first, I was just overwhelmed that I was finally dating a girl of my dreams. Before her, I had dated two girls that weren’t particularly spectacular. The two relationships had happened by chance, and their continued existence for the short times they lasted was just convenient for me. When my ex, the second girl, said she was leaving me, it had been a relief. I had already gotten very tired of her annoying personality. Getting into the relationship, I had convinced myself she was the one. I imagined and tried to make myself believe she had lighted a fire in me that could never die. And when it ended six months later, again, I convinced myself she was simply not sufficient enough to keep my fire burning.

So, when I started dating my current girlfriend, I felt on top of the world. A part of me I was not aware of before came to the surface, and I indulged it. There is something about dating a very attractive lady that makes you very attractive to other ladies. I got all sorts of attention from women, and having developed my self-confidence, I readily and openly flirted with all of them. My girlfriend, who I believed I truly loved at that time, started noticing, and soon we started having problems. Soon, we finished school, and I started working with a consulting firm. It was then I started cheating on her fulltime. I’d feel bad after each sex session I had with someone else, but that never stopped me from doing it all over again.

I had absolutely no reason to cheat on her. She was everything I ever wanted in a girl. She was lively to be with, and sex with her was good. We started living together a year after I started working. We had agreed that the move might help curb my philandering. She stuck with me all those times, so I knew she really loved me. I loved her too, but that was not enough for me. I kept telling myself I want more out of life, that nothing was going to stop me from living life to the fullest. It had not occurred to me that I had a problem until a colleague suggested I see someone about sex and alcohol addiction.

I started drinking shortly after we began dating. It started from going to pubs on Friday nights with her and a couple of friends. We’d do shots, and play games that involved the loser taking more shots. I lost a lot. As time went on, I noticed I didn’t care anymore about losing, and I was beginning to enjoy taking more shots. Sometimes, I’d deliberately lose the games. Soon, every night was pub night for me. And every morning, I’d have to deal with a messy hangover. At first my girlfriend condoned it, and complained very little about my new behaviour. She had thought it was only a phase, and it would pass. But it only got worse.

One evening, we got into a serious argument about my wayward lifestyle, and for the first time, I realised I could actually lose her if I wasn’t careful. I promised her that night that I was going to change and work on my bad habits. For the next two months, I did not touch a drink, and I remained faithful to her. She had no idea I was going to propose when I did, and I was very glad she said yes.

Six weeks to our wedding, for the first time since we had been dating, she caught me cheating red-handed. It was the first time I cheated on her since the decision to be better, and it was then that I got caught. She had travelled to see her parents to update them on preparations for the wedding. I was not expecting her to be back until the day after. To this day, I do not know why she came back early. The woman I was sleeping with was a previous client from work, who always gave me the green light then. But I had not indulged her since it was after the time I made resolutions to change. That day, she had casually stopped by at my house to get an opinion on a business decision she was about to take. At least, that was the excuse she gave when I saw her at my door.

My girlfriend left me that day, and never looked back. It was then I realised how much I really loved her, and how foolish I had been. I sank into depression for a long while, and was in a constant battle with suicidal thoughts. I took up drinking again, and this time, it was worse. It took a near death experience for me to get back on my feet. I made the decision to clean up and set my life straight.

Sometimes, I feel it was for the best that she left me. I really needed help, and I was in denial about it for a long time. Even at the time I promised her I was going to be better, I had not fully admitted to myself that I had a sex problem. I knew I had a drinking problem, but a sex problem, “is that even a thing”, I’d ask myself. Today makes it 7 months since I last had a drink. I haven’t slept with a woman since that day she left me. I miss her greatly these days, especially when I see her photos on Facebook. Now that I’m really lonely, I know the value of what I’ve lost and can only hope to find someone like her.

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3 thoughts on “Drinking & sleeping around lost me the girl of my dreams – Whats wrong with me?

  1. It is usually said that the very first step in solving a problem is admitting that you actually have a problem. So the fact that you were not fully aware of the repercussions of your actions made it very impossible for you to have changed at all. You have your regrets, yes we all do too but dwelling in the past will not change anything. You have made the necessary changes and so it is time to pick yourself up and really get on with life. She has moved on so I will advise that you do the same.

  2. A good girl can only take so much heartache. She leaving you was just a matter of time even if you weren’t caught. It’s kind of a blessing in disguise that it happened before you married her because it would have been uglier. And thank God you didn’t allow the suicidal thoughts to win the battle. The good news is that not only do you have a second chance at finding happiness, you also have a lifetime to find love and live a happy life. So don’t beat yourself up! Live responsibly and be happy!

  3. At times biology takes its place before our mind starts to work. Blaming you will be hypocritical because there have been many times that I allowed the little brain in my loins to take over the bigger brain in my head. These things happen to the best of us, so no one is blaming you. The good thing is that you have realised your mistake, but crying over spilt milk will not change anything. Annie must have felt the betrayal the most. Or do you think it would have been easy for her? But here we are, she has obviously moved on with her life. So if she can, you should too!

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