Breaking Up

If you are considering ending a relationship it may well be one of the most difficult decisions of your life. We all know it is easier to fall in rather than out of love. Often the next step is the hardest of all, to tell your partner and to put into operation the hundred and one things which have to be done when couples separate.

A man deciding that a relationship is going nowhere and that it is time to move on can suddenly feel exhilarated, and it can bring with it a sense of freedom. If the decision is mutual, then you can both move on to a new chapter in your lives. However, the breakup itself may be done with a heavy heart if one partner acknowledges that it will cause pain for the other. Perhaps this is the reason for quick exits. The more mature face-to-face encounter to explain what has prompted your decision is much more difficult if you know that your partner is unsuspecting and will be devastated by the news. It is a fact, but a sad one, that often the signs things are going wrong in a relationship have not been picked up, and the news comes like a bolt from the blue. The truth is, of course, that we often blind ourselves to things that we do not want to see.

If in addition to being a couple you are parents too, then the difficulties facing you multiply. Any breakup of parents affects not only the couple, but their children, and the extended family too. If there is abuse or violence within a family the breakup of the family unit is more justified, and in these circumstances maybe this is the wise course to follow. But, as many a parent discovers, even then it is not always easy to bring about. Mothers and fathers may be torn between choosing a new love and a new life, and having to abandon their present partner and children.

It is never enough just to stay together ‘for the children’ and feel that is the end of the story. That way resentment grows, and the children will feel this burden. It is unfair to say to an adult child ‘I only stayed because of you’.

The fact you only have one chance at life is something which dawns on us as we get older. Some men and women use this as an excuse to break away and make a fresh start, and finding a ‘new’ partner becomes an excuse for this. But whether a new relationship or an old one, all relationships needs caring for and nurturing. If you haven’t learnt this, then stay where you are and think about it. If you go ahead with the breakup make sure you know why you are doing it, and be prepared for the ripples of pain which will spread around you. Even if you are glad to get out of the relationship and decide to go, give yourself time to feel the sadness of things not working out. Too many people are afraid to be alone, and so jump out of the frying pan into the fire. So watch out for DANGER AHEAD signs.

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